Monday, July 28, 2014

An Oath to Market Basket


On this, the 28th of July, 2014, I, DG, do solemnly pledge to NEVER...EVER...complain about Market Basket again.  I just left Sam's Club because it was imperative that I shopped for groceries, since I, much like Old Mother Hubbard, had bare cupboards.  Because it was not my beloved Market Basket, I was confused, overwhelmed and found myself purchasing 60 pounds of bacon, at least 4000 waffles, and 25 gallons of Iced Coffee.  I cannot be trusted in these clubs.

 Do you want a profession of my love? You got it.  I love you Market Basket.  I love your hard working dedicated employees, your management, your drivers, your customer service & of course, your low, low prices.  Help me, Market Basket...you're my only hope.

In return I offer you this pledge to behave better in your store.....

I will not dread, loathe, whine or carry on about having to hit Market Basket on a weekend.  The same goes for midweek, Mondays, Fridays, firsts of the month, holidays, mornings, evenings, and every day and moment in between.


I will not use swear words as I circle the parking lot looking for any available space within three miles of the store.

I will wait my turn to get a cart, even if it means waiting for ten minutes and getting my ankles clipped by other passing carts.

I will not growl and grit my teeth while in the butter and cheese corner as people linger and hmm/haww over the difference between Neufch√Ętel and Cream Cheese.



I will not take offense to someone boxing me out of the yogurt section, or throwing elbows near the bags of chips.


I will make room for others when deciding between chicken or pork for dinner in the meat department.

I will certainly not become agitated by the unpleasant smell of cheese & seafood in the Deli department, nor will I lament over the deli ticket number being at least 24 numbers ahead of mine.


I will stay as far to the right of the aisle I am in, regardless of what other shoppers do.  I will be calm and courteous to the families that walk 5 people wide and block entire aisles at a time.

I will cordially greet every single stock boy with a smile & a hello, even if it means I scrape my shin on their flatbed.


I will be happy while shopping.  I will be nothing but happy.


I promise to honor and respect the frozen food section by not leaving the door open for too long to assess the ice cream selection, thus doing my part to keep the store energy efficient.


I will be careful not to smash into any other shoppers even during rush hour or gridlock in the produce aisle.

I will gladly take any of the 15 checkout lines available to me, and promise not to pull an optic nerve by rolling my eyes at the woman in front of me paying by check and taking thirty minutes to write it out.



I promise, with all of my being, that I will not screw up the Debit transaction like I do every g-d time I'm in there.  I will WAIT until the clerk tells me it's okay to slide and I will, like a good soldier, say - 'DEBIT, EXACT AMOUNT' when I feel the heavy glance of the checkout clerk upon me.

I promise not to succumb to my kids begging me to open the cookies while checking out.


I will graciously help load the bags into my cart, and I will not exhale loudly in exhaustion while waiting for the clerk to highlight my 4% savings and hand me my receipt.  I am ever so grateful for that 4%.

These things, I promise....please just get back to business as usual..and soon.


Yours in groceries, for life...
~DG



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"We Are Market Basket" set this Go Fund Me page up for the administrative assistants, office clerical workers, truck drivers and warehouse workers.
 Here is the link: http://www.gofundme.com/bzt0qk





Friday, July 4, 2014

Independence Day

What do you need freedom from today? Drama? Heartache? Anger? A Toxic Friendship?


I've been talking a lot lately about my 40's.  Mostly, I've touched on the effort it takes to look nice, to stay young looking, and embrace 40 gracefully.

There's another aspect of being 41, and today, as we celebrate Independence Day, it's a good time to talk about freedom - a different kind of freedom.

I've been through some tough things in my life.  I've weathered storms that even I am not ready to talk about.  Things happen to us in our lifetime - divorce, loss, heartache, friendships lost, misunderstandings.  We navigate our way through one crisis at a time, and with every road that we successfully make it down, the rough patches seem to get a little easier to get through.  My divorce seemed like it would be the toughest thing to process, but during that time, I found a strength within that I really didn't know existed.  I came out stronger, smarter, and had more clarity than I had in years.  Over the past decade, I've faced every joy head on, and used those wins to help me ease through the losses.  I've had situations where what I really wanted to do was scream profanities from the rooftop and cut people off at the knees, but I learned something so valuable through my past mistakes that would be the sure fix every time.  Love. When all else fails, choose love.



When people hurt us, whether intentional or unintentional - something small or something big - our knee-jerk reaction is to be angry.  I'll show them who they're messing with!  I have found a better map to use when navigating through the murky life waters and that is inked in with love love love.  This is the freedom I'm talking about.  Freedom to release yourself from things being personal - it's not about you.  99 times out of 100 it is NOT about you.  Repeat to yourself next time someone hurts you - it's not about me.  Unless you are this horrible person who creates drama everywhere you go and causes damage in your warpath (if it is because of that - you've got to stop) - it probably is not about you.  Give yourself the freedom to find peace in what people do to you.  Walk away.  Let it go.  Say to yourself that you are fine just the way you are.  You are a good person, a good friend, a good daughter or sister.  It doesn't matter how many square feet your home has, what kind of car you drive, how many pairs of shoes you have.  No one cares - and if they do, they aren't the kind of friend you need anyway.  What matters is that you show up to life.  That you are you. That you give someone the benefit of the doubt and smile at them.  Change the vibe you give off - I know it's so much easier to be pissed at someone, but if you put just a little more effort in, and rearrange it in your head - it's not about me - you'll find the freedom of the burden of drama in your life by using love as your shield.

But I deserve an apology.
You do.  But let it go.
But she/he almost ruined me.
But the world is still spinning, and your heart is still beating.
But it wasn't my fault.
It doesn't matter anymore.
But I lost so much time over him/her.
That's why you shouldn't lose any more time over it.


We all have things we've been carrying around for years, months, days, hours, minutes.  The only thing those things do is weigh us down.  Some of us might use them as crutches, as excuses, as reasons why we are who we are, or why we will never be who we want to be.  We've got to let them go.  Be free of those burdens, find a way to start anew without them.  I'm not saying forget - I think there is no way to forget things that have happened in our past, but I strongly believe there is a beautiful life waiting beyond the conflict.


We all have relationships that are waiting to be healed.  In our families, with friends, maybe neighbors - we have conversations waiting in the wings, longing to be freed from lingering over us and weighing us down. Often times challenging things happen in our lives and we are forced to take a long hard look at what is happening and what we need to do to find our peace.  Do you have a relationship that you need to heal?  Swallowing your pride for your own peace of mind isn't as hard as you might think.  Sometimes you have to do what is best for your own healing and if that means extending an olive branch to someone who hurt you, then do it.  Make today your Independence Day. Heal. Love. Laugh. Live. What will really make all the difference in your life is by doing first what you expected someone else should do.
How much are we willing to pay for things that have been done to us? At what point do you decide to stop paying for emotional invoices that should go to someone else?  Only we can answer that.   Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.  It's a gift that will keep giving all the days of your life, too.  It makes room to enjoy your life without clouding it up with negativity. Whatever has been done to you might never go away, but it can lessen it's grip around your heart and not play a lead role in your daily routine, allowing you to enjoy the simple pleasures again. You can always forgive a person without actually excusing what they did or said.


This message is inspired by  real life events.  I was deeply hurt by someone I care about - but I know it is not about me at the end of the day.  I did what I had to do for my own healing, and my own peace - and I did it with love.  I am not going to say it was easy - but it wasn't nearly as hard as you'd think.  I don't need all of the drama, hoopla and fireworks in my life.  Life is too precious.  If someone wants you in it, then embrace them and be there for them and it will be enough for them for you to just be you.  If someone doesn't want you in your life - it's okay.  Be at peace, give yourself the gift of the freedom to move on.

Cheers & Happy Independence Day - today - and any day you need it.
xo
DG

Thursday, June 26, 2014

My Love/Hate Relationship with the Water Balloon Machine



Flashback to June, 2013.

Who knew?

Someone knew.  And now that someone is laughing all the way to the bank.

That someone created that brilliant water balloon maker, was it last year they appeared on the shelves?

Suddenly, you couldn't even go to CVS without seeing them everywhere.

Moooom, can we get one of these?

*Envisioning lawn littered with broken balloons*

 No, guys - we don't need water balloons today.

In Bed, Bath and Beyond, I'm returning the wrong size tablecloth, there's a line, and of course, only one person working.  They are strategically placed by check-out, and they are the only thing saving my boys from a wrestling match to stave off boredom.



Mama, pleaaaase, pleaaaaaase, can we get this water balloon machine? Pleaaase?

BB&Beyond has me where they want me.  RIGHT where they want me.  I am the person they thought of when they set up that display.

Marketing Team Leader:  "Let's place them by checkout and bombard children's senses with the brilliantly colored machines filled with a rainbow of balloons."

Marketing Team Member:  "Yes, but that will only work if we schedule only ONE person at checkout that day."Marketing Team Leader: *throws back head and laughs* YES...YESSSSS.  
"Alright, alright , I'll buy the balloon maker but this is the one and only one for the season so you need to take care of it."

I should mention, these are not expensive.  In fact, most are under $10.  They are not built to last by any means.  That, coupled with the kids fighting over it constantly, and the abuse by jamming the pump repeatedly as fast as they can, it's a setup to a huge meltdown when it finally breaks.  I just wanted them to know if I bought it, they had to take care of it and not think they would get another one if it broke.

We bring it home and hit the lake.  When I tell you, it keeps them occupied for hours, I mean hours. I couldn't believe how much they loved it.

At first everything is fun and joyful and they are having a ball.  Then someone lingers at the pump, trying to make an arsenal of balloons.

"Heyyy, he's pumping more than one and that's not fair."

Now add neighbor kids.


"Heyy, he's hogging the pump and that's not fair."

"Heyyyy, he used all the water and didn't fill it."

"Mom?  Mooom?  Mama?  Mommy?  Mom?  Mom? Mom?"

"Can you tie this? "

"This one?"

"Tie this for me, please?"

Tie this.  Tie this.  And another. Another. Another.

"MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....THE PUMP BROKE..."  Cue the tears and hysteria.  After trying to resuscitate the machine for an hour, we declared its passing at approximately 4:05pm.  Its lifespan was three glorious days, and almost 18 hours of pumping.  That was it for last year.

Fast forward to June, 2014.

This year - the remarkable makers of the water balloon pump created the No-Stress Tie Nozzle so that Moms and Dads everywhere could actually enjoy the day without having to tie an endless assembly line of water balloons.  The instructions on the pump promise "effortless water balloon making and tying in seconds." The thing is I already CAN  effortlessly tie an endless supply  of water balloons with my own 2 hands.  Granted, I break a few nails struggling with a few here and there, but overall, tying balloons is not rocket science.  Using the handy dandy effortless Tie Balloon pump IS, however, rocket science.


Look, I don't claim to be the smartest.  I don't say that I am the most clever of moms.  But I do my best.  I tried to figure this g-d easy peasy water balloon tie nozzle but I broke more balloons in the time that I could've tied 2 dozen and got more aggravated than if I had spent two hours manually tying them.

 You're supposed to wrap the balloon around the nozzle, thread the neck through the slot, and pull the balloon off the device.  I couldn't figure it out, I broke several of them while "pulling" them off the nozzle, thus dousing myself in water, and it became very clear that this was not the simple maneuver it appeared to be.  Okay look, some of you are going to say, you figured it out on the first try - and I say - that is AWESOME.  And some of you are going to judge me for having poor direction reading skills, or sad fine motor skills, but I'm okay with that.  I tried to get it to work, but I failed so I went back to manually tying them - I don't really need nice nails anyways.  



I am going to continue to hand tie these until this year's pump breaks - and I'm at peace with that.  According to past history, I only expect the pump to live another few hours anyways.



In the meantime, I'll be in the yard with the kids, cleaning up the artillery shells strewn all over the lawn.  Perhaps next year, the brilliant balloon maker minds will come up with an easier disposal and clean up system?

Cheers and Happy Water Balloon Tying!
~DG





Friday, June 20, 2014

The Real Reason I Love Coffee...




If you've been hanging out with me for a while, you know that I often talk about and post funnies about coffee.  The thing is, I only recently realized what the real draw is to coffee.  Okay besides the actual addiction to caffeine, the smell in the morning when you first wake up, and the way it soothes your soul with the first few sips.  I'm talking a deeper love here.  Stay with me.

The other day - Monday to be specific - was not my best day.  It was officially the first day of the kids summer vacation but I still had to work in the family office because one of our employees was out and I needed to cover the 8-5 shift to keep afloat.  No biggie.  The kids came with me (thank God for family run businesses!) and we showed up bright eyed and ready.  They had lots to do to keep them busy as did I!  I turned on my computer but my computer was not ready to work.  My computer was stricken with a virus.  A case of the Mondays you could say.  No computer, no work.  It took at least an hour to get completely up and running, which set an already busy day back more than I would've liked.  The computer was not the only one with a case of the Mondays; customers, phone conversations, orders, everything and everyone I touched was afflicted with the Monday Touch (see: Opposite of Midas Touch).  Before I knew it, it was 5:00 and I was wiped out.  I was grouchy, irritable, stressed, drained and ready to go home while my boys were just getting warmed up and ready to go.  I tried to make up for the lost day by taking the boys for a swim in the lake, having a great dinner and some decent laughs before bed - but all in all, Monday was gone and that was the only thing good about it.  When my weary head finally hit the pillow, even I was tired of me.

I love this because it's true - coffee is optimism in a cup.  When you drink it, you immediately feel like you can conquer whatever stands in front of you - until it's time for another cup.


As I poured my Tuesday morning coffee, it hit me.  Every morning that I wake up, I get a chance to do things over, to do them better, to do them differently, to try again.  THAT'S when I realized that what I love about my coffee so much is that it represents a new start and new possibilities every single day.  So I had a crappy day Monday - I get a do-over.  The coffee induced an amnesia for yesterday and wiped the slate clean and made way for the new.  It's a beautiful thing.  If we're lucky, we have a large amount of do-overs in our lifetime - it's what we choose to do with them that really matters.  I'm sure you've seen that ecard that says "I'm trying to decide if I should use my coffee powers for good or evil."  It's funny, but it's so true.  If you think of your coffee as a fresh start to the day, then you have to decide is it going to be a good day? Or a bad day?  Are you going to choose good? Or evil?   Are you going to be kind?  Or unkind?  Your day is full of opportunities.  It's full of the option to change what you didn't like about yesterday.  The beautiful thing is that we have the power to decide if we should learn from what we did wrong yesterday should we choose to acknowledge it and say today is a new day and forgive ourselves and others for the things that didn't work out the day before.  I think one of the reasons we all loathe Monday so much is because we put SO much pressure on it to be a fresh start, to start a diet, to begin an exercise program, to get Friday's leftover pile of blown off work done.  Monday carries such a negative connotation because we push all of our hope and effort into Monday and when it doesn't work out - we blame the fact that it's Monday for our failures.  Maybe by looking at our morning coffee as Monday, or as January, or however you want to think of it -we'll start to think of it as a fresh start.


We don't start out the day thinking it's going to be bad (well, maybe some days when we have something daunting on the schedule we do, but for the most part, we don't).  Sometimes there is something waiting in the wings to throw us off our game and mess with our attitude.  It's going to happen.  You're going to have days like that once in a while. You might even have weeks like that.  But what can we do differently today to show that we learned something from doing yesterday wrong?  Could be something so small - could be something huge. We could say maybe we'll react differently or let something roll off of us, or turn the other cheek.  Even better, try NOT to take things personally because 99% of the time it isn't.  As long as we are moving forward every single day as a work in progress, a life in progress, a human being who learns from what to sweat and what not to sweat - that's what matters. It seems the older I get, the less seriously I take the stupid stuff.
I love the simplicity and innocence in this quote!


What's in your cup of coffee today?  It's more than hot, delicious goodness in a cup - it's hopes, dreams, courage, strength, love, and kindness.  So drink up, and go forward today with the strength you need to do anything and face everything that comes your way.  Say it with me, today will be good.  Cheers and Love.

Happy Summer!
xo
DG

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Top 9 Things I Learned From Going to Prom in my 40's

BlogU Faculty (photo by Kelley of Kelley's Breakroom Blog)


This past weekend I had the honor and privilege of being on the faculty of the Blog U Conference at the University of Notre Dame in Baltimore, Maryland.  BlogU was a conference presented by The Blog University for women, moms, bloggers, and writers.  After an incredible day of learning, everyone was ready to kick it old school and have some laughs at the 80's Retro Prom sponsored by NickMom.

So in honor of our beloved NickMomProm sponsors, the incredible NickMom team and the BlogU girls, I'd like to dedicate this Top 9 List TO NickMom and say thank you for changing how I feel about my Prom Memories.


Frugalista, YKIHAYHT and DG testing out the Archway (photo by Ellen at Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms)


Personally, I think EVERYONE who had a less than perfect prom should get to do it again when they are much older.  It was so much more fun, less stressful, and created so many hilarious memories I don't even know where to begin.  The beauty of being older is you don't sweat the small stuff, you don't cry in a corner because your date is dancing with someone else (if you're crying, it's because your spanx are too tight), and you truly enjoy singing and dancing with your friends and forgetting about your worries for a while!

A HUGE shout out and thank you goes out to our amazing BlogU Faculty, our spectacular sponsors and the attendees that traveled from near and far to be with us, learn from us and with us, and model the best of the 80's prom dresses for the love of all that is fun.

Without further blah blahs, here it is...and forgive me for rambling but I'm runnin' on empty ova he-ah.

TOP 9 THINGS I LEARNED FROM GOING TO PROM IN MY 40'S....

1. I may have forgotten to pick up peanut butter for the kids' lunches tomorrow, but I remembered every single word to Bust a Move.
The place ERUPTED with singing! Glad I'm not the only one whose brain retains the important stuff!


2. The tighter your hairband, the more severe your headache.  OUCH.
The fabulous Suburban Snapshots and I sporting the side pony.


3.  The higher your heels, the more Band-Aids you'll need.
Contrary to what my feet may look like today, the answer is no, I do not drive a rickshaw for a living.


4.  You don't have to drink to have an after-prom hangover.
I stayed up until 1:30 am and you would think I haven't slept in 2 weeks.


5.  Screaming the lyrics to Salt-n-Pepa can and will be used against you when trying to speak later.
This morning I woke up to find that my voiced changed from a 40 year old woman to a 98 year old man who smoked 42 packs a day in his lifetime.  Thank you Salt n Pepa and the classics.


6.  Your bladder is stronger than you give it credit for.
The fact that I did NOT pee myself while laughing hysterically at this photo of me and Tara from You Know It Happens at Your House too is a TESTAMENT to my bladder.  So many people made me laugh that my abdomen HURTS today from the convulsing. (photo credit -Kim of  Let Me Start by Saying


7.  Laughing uncontrollably truly is the best ab workout that you can do for your muffin top. (See above)

8.  No matter how many years pass, you will never, ever forget how to do the Electric Slide.


9.  After-prom in your 40s may not be held in a bowling alley, but you'll still feel like someone beat    the hell out of you WITH a bowling ball the next day.

The best way to describe how badly my feet hurt is this photo from Stephen King's Misery.  (okay, I'm exaggerating..but you get it, right?) 
 
For more hilarity and photos, go to #nickmomprom on Twitter and laugh yourself silly...
Love and Laughs...and all that Jazz.
xo
DG

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

How Flying Went from Fun to Fuuuuuuuuuu**


Before Kids:  21 Year Old Good-Time-Fun-While- Flying-Me (thank you, Bridesmaids, for the illustrations)

After Kids:  Flying Alone - Nervous Nelly - 41-year-old Me Hyperventilating & Dropping F-bombs- Me


I should warn you - it's been a very long time since I've used the f bomb and other offensive language - but to better illustrate my point, I indulged for this one.  Please, if you are offended easily by the Lord's name and the use of vulgarity - feel free to pass on this one. Clearly, when in stressful situations, my inner voice has a potty mouth and my inner voices need a valium.  Thanks !

Recently I had to take an emergency flight back to Ohio by myself.   As in - no kids - no husband - no one. Just me.

You'd think after being a flight attendant for so long that wouldn't bother me at all.  The thing is, I was a flight attendant BEFORE I had kids.  If you would have told 21 year old me that 41 year old me would be scared to fly, she would have laughed in your face and called you a liar.  Turns out, it's true.

21 year old me flew sometimes EIGHT flights a day back and forth back and forth in and out of Boston.  21 year old me laughed in the face of turbulence, ate pretzels for lunch and threw back a few sodas a day to stay alert during the tough days.  41 year old me is the woman I joked with during my trips down the aisle because I could see her fingernails leaving imprints in the arms of the seat.  41 year old me is the same woman who could barely breathe when we were taking off, and the same woman who I had breathe into a paper bag to prevent hyperventilating.

Here's the thing, I'd be willing to bet that 21 year old you - and Post-Kids you is also very different.  Our little people NEED us  - we have a semi - legit sense of importance now and that is enough to strike fear into even the most wild and carefree heart. When I got on that flight by myself, as experienced of a flyer as I am/was, I thought for a millisecond to myself what if this is it for me?   Please, please tell me I'm not the only one who has that less-than-a-second horrific thought of what could happen when you step on that plane?  I hate that it even crosses my mind.  I was always the flight attendant that could calm anyone down, I could ease and soothe, help and befriend, talk down and focus on other things.  And here I was..the roles, reversed now.  Luckily, by some miracle, I managed to take off and land twice without incident, and am happy to say I lived to write this blog.  I'm kidding of course, but I am not joking about how different flying really is for me now.

I decided to make a list of how flying has changed for me - some ingredients of it is due to 9/11, some due to kids, some due to getting older - regardless - I'm hoping that by putting this out there, you'll say OMG ME TOOOOO!! So I don't have to feel alone in my shame of getting to be a Nervous Nelly in my old age.  I will say, that  I know enough about flying and evacuation and airplanes that I can talk myself down from almost any noise during a flight - but the simple fact that I can't even hear myself think over the pounding of my heart in my throat from one little bump, one weird smell, or a funny sound, that sometimes thinking it through is impossible.  That brings me to my list - to get through this crazy evolution I've experienced - the easiest thing is to just find the humor in the truth of it.  Enjoy.



How Flying Went from Fun to Fuuuuuuuu*k (How my Inner Voices Changed Over 20 Years)
(black is then, red is now)
1.  I paid little or no attention to the safety announcement, mainly because I had the spiel memorized, but also because I figured - eh, I'll cross that emergency exit when I get to it.  In the meantime, I'm going to look at the InFlight Bar Selection in the InFlight magazine and shop skymall until she's done. Now - I listen to every damn word of that spiel and then panic trying to remember what she said - SHIT - DO I SECURE MY CHILD'S MASK FIRST OR MINE? I CAN'T REMEMBERRRRRRRR! WHO COULD BE SHOPPING SKYMALL DURING AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT LIKE THIS???
 2.  Ohhh the flight is a little bumpy today..must be passing through a little rough weather patch.  WHAT IN THE SAM HELL WAS THAT??? I DON'T WANT TO HOLD THE HAND OF THE WEIRD NERDY GUY DOING SUDOKO NEXT TO ME - PLEASE DON'T LET HIM BE THE LAST PERSON I TOUCH IN THIS WORRRLD! IT'S NOT FAIR  I WANT MY HUSBANNNNNNND AND KIDS! 
3.  Any noise was fine, natural, and a normal - to be expected, noise of a healthy flying plane.  WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT OMG OMG OMG JESUS MARY AND ALL THE SAINTS HELP THE PILOT LAND US SAFELY.  MY HUSBAND WILL NEVER KNOW WHERE I KEEP ANYTHING - HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME....THIS FAMILY WILL NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT ME DO YOU HEAR ME GOD?? NO ONE KNOWS WHERE ANYTHING IS IN OUR HOUSE!!! I WANT TO LIVE!
4.  Upon takeoff, the view was breathtaking, I loved watching the ground get smaller as we ascended to our cruising altitude and oh look, a beautiful flock of birds are flying near the plane.  OH MY SWEET JESUS THERE ARE BIRDS NEAR THE ENGINE OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, NOOOOOOO! THIS IS SOOO BAD!! I KNOW THAT BIRDS CAN CAUSE PLANE CRASHES ! BIRDS ARE BAD, VERY VERY BAD!
5.  Look how stunning the ocean waves look below us! How I love this view when I fly!  I'LL NEVER SURVIVE IN THAT WATER WHAT IF SHARKS EAT ME BEFORE I DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA? OH GOD THE TITANIC, ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THE TITANIC AND I'M LEO INSTEAD OF ROSE.  I NEED TO CLOSE THIS BLIND IMMEDIATELY.  I DON'T WANT TO LOOK!
6.  Aww that poor man is searching for something he can't seem to find in his bag.  Maybe I should help him?  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GUY REACHING FOR IN HIS BAG OMG PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THEY LET HIM THROUGH SECURITY WITH MORE THAN 4 OUNCES OF HAIR GEL...I KNEW IT, IT'S FLAMMABLE.  OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN HELP ME.  HOW WILL MY HUSBAND KNOW WHAT TO PACK THE BOYS FOR LUNCH, THEY ARE SO PICKY - THEY CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MEEEEE.
7.  That guy is taking a long time in the bathroom..tee hee..what could he possibly be doing in there?  THAT GUY IS TAKING A LONGGGG TIME IN THE BATHROOM - OH MOTHER MARY NO NO NO - WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY BE DOING IN THERE???  HE'S TAMPERING WITH THE SMOKE DETECTOR I JUST KNOW IT.  OH GOD WHY DIDN'T I BALANCE THE CHECKBOOK BEFORE I LEFT FOR THIS TRIP- HE'LL NEVER KNOW MY SYSTEM OF ROUNDING UP TO MAKE THE MATH EASIER AND HE'S GOING TO SEE ALL OF MY CHARGES FROM AMAZON PRIME! 
8.  How fun to swipe my credit card in the seat back and make a fancy call from the plane! NOW EVERYONE HAS CELL PHONES SO YOU DON'T NEED THOSE FANCY PHONES ANYMORE.  OMG THEY SAID TO TURN THE CELL PHONES OFF - NOT EVERYONE TURNED THEM OFF - I CAN HEAR PEOPLE ON THEIR PHONES PLEASE LORD DON'T LET US TAXI DOWN THE RUNWAY YET THEY ARE GOING TO INTERFERE WITH THE FLIGHT INSTRUMENTS!!  I HAVEN'T DONE HALF OF THE THINGS ON MY BUCKET LIST YET - OMG I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BUCKET LISSSSSSSSSSSSST!
9.  The co-pilot has to pee...poor guy...when you gotta go, you gotta go.  OH NO, PLEASE NOOO, IS HE SICK? WHAT'S HE DOING? WHAT COULD BE WRONG? HE MUST HAVE HAD SOME BAD AIRPORT FOOD AND NOW HE LEFT THE CAPTAIN UP THERE BY HIMSELF THIS IS SO BAD, THIS IS SOOO VERY VERY BAD.  I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT BOSTON CREME DONUT THIS MORNING AND NOW IT WON'T EVEN MATTER..I'M GOING TO DIE ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.  OH PLEASE LET ME LIVE AND I'LL NEVER REFUSE DESSERT OR COMPLAIN ABOUT CALORIES EVER AGAIN!
10.  Awww look at that tall dark and handsome dude sitting in the exit row! Wish I was seated next to him!  OHHH SHIT - LOOK AT THAT TALL DARK AND HANDSOME DUDE IN THE EXIT ROW!!!  WHY DID HE CHOOSE THAT ROW? BECAUSE HE HAS ACCESS TO THE DOOR THAT'S WHY - OH HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MY FLIGHT OF ALL FLIGHTS - I JUST HAD TO FLY BY MYSELF DIDN'T I, I INSISTED ON DOING THIS AND NOW LOOK AT WHAT'S HAPPENING!


Flying was fun back then - I'll admit it.  Yes, I saw my fair share of scary things, but I experienced so much, and I met and was able to help so many people.  It was a great experience for a curious girl full of wanderlust in her early twenties.  Every city was a new adventure and every flight had something fun in store for me.  Now, I find the joy and adventure in the eyes of my boys, and my husband and I are having fun watching their every experience.  When the boys yell with delight at a plane flying overhead, I laugh at their innocence and revel in their curiosity - but I'm good down here with my feet on the ground.  I'm good.

Until next time my friends...


Blue skies and puffy clouds, safe flights and full pretzel bags,
xo
DG


Friday, May 23, 2014

If Fitting Room Walls Could Talk....

With the warm weather finally here, it was time to update my tired wardrobe and take myself on a little shopping spree.  I found some really cute tops and long skirts, as well as capris and tshirts, and of course, my fave - maxi-dresses!  I took the maximum items allowed in with me to the fitting room, hung them on the general population hook then took each item, tried them on one by one and made the decision whether they were going on the 'definitely buying' hook or the 'hells no' hook.  This, my friends, is why they have at least 3 hooks (and the back of the door) in fitting rooms. To sort, narrow down, and organize.

I don't know about you, but most of the lies I tell myself happen within these 4 tiny mirror-covered walls in the department store.  I've been telling them to myself  for years and dealing with the buyer's remorse or poor judgement calls post-purchase.  It's all part of the fun process, though, isn't it?  Who doesn't have a few items with the tags still on them hanging woefully in their closet?  Good ideas-at-the-time, gone-wrong, items that weren't quite right that we talked ourselves into buying for different reasons, and even a few items that might deserve a Cher-type Moonstruck slap to SNAP OUT OF IT next time you think you can pull off a halter top like that.

Here is a fun list of follies, funnies, and flops that we tell ourselves when we're in the confines of that poorly illuminated cubicle that brings out the shady salesman in all of us.  We are gifted at telling ourselves exactly what we want to hear in those tiny fitting rooms!!  So have fun, read, and if you laughed, then feel free to share it.  Happy Shopping - Love and Good Fitting Clothing Now and Always, ~DG

Seriously - can you risk not having this great buy in your closet when you need it??

Top 20 Fitting Room Follies by DG


1.  It'll look better on me with different undies.


2.  The lighting in this fitting room is terrible. It'll look better with natural light.

3.  These mirrors aren't right. It'll look better in my mirror at home.


4.  I'm totally wearing the wrong bra for this. It'll look better when I wear my good bra.
I could have majored in Sale Math.
5.  You cannot beat this price.  The price is just too good to pass up. Even if I only wear it once, I'd kick myself if I passed this sale up.


6.  This will look so much better with my heels.  It will look so much better when I'm wearing my high heels.

7.  This will look so much better when I actually do my hair and makeup.        I'm just not doing this outfit justice with yesterday's eyeliner and a sloppy ponytail.

8.  If they only had the next size up - but they don't - so I'll just lose a few         pounds before I wear it.  It won't be that hard to just watch what I eat for a few days, right?



9.  I'd better pick up a pair of Spanx while I'm here.


10.  I better get the sweater, those pumps AND the tank top that goes with this skirt or I won't be able to find them when I need them.  I'll get so much wear out of that outfit it'll pay for itself ten times over.

11.  The damn security tab is 4 inches long and makes my thighs look so much bigger than they really are. It'll look so much better when it's off.

12.  A really cute necklace and this shirt will look like it fits perfectly on me!

13. I totally need to color my hair. Everything looks better when my hair is nicely colored.

14.  I'm bloated from PMS, my belly will be much less puffy if I try this on at home in a few days.


15.  The lighting at the restaurant/club/event will be dark so you won't be able to see how tight this is.

16.  This is a must-have for every closet.  I'm making an investment in myself by having this if I need it one day.


17.  It's hard to find this name brand at this price! 


18.  With a pair of really great shoes and a big purse, no one will notice my ass looks huge.

19.  You deserve this.


20.  SCREW IT - I'LL BUY ALL THE THINGS! I CAN ALWAYS RETURN THEM.