Tuesday

How to Raise a Great Husband



They don't have to be perfect, but we can teach them to be pretty damn close.

I got lucky.  I got it right...the second time around.  By some miracle of will and wish, I made it out of my first miserable marriage in one piece.  I remember praying to God that if He could get me out of this mess, I would forgive and forget, and march forward with my chin up and my head high.  And so I did.  I was wise enough the second time around to know an amazing man when I saw him - and from the get-go, this man knew my worth and never wavered.  I would never be dumb enough to say that he is perfect, but he is pretty darn close and I'm good with that.  (But let's just say he inspired the following blog, some in a good way, some not so good). 
My first blog a few years back was called Three Good Men.  I never published it.  It was more of a way to keep sane during the early years.  I made it my personal goal to raise three young men that would be ready and able when the time was right, to settle down and be amazing husbands.

So I made a list with 10 basic, simple yet non-negotiable rules to understand.


HOW TO RAISE A GREAT HUSBAND

1.  Teach him to change a roll of toilet paper. If he's replaced it by using the last roll, either get a new pack out of storage or inform someone immediately that he has used the last one.  This also applies to paper towels, napkins and any other paper products.


Is there anything more infuriating then seeing this when you sit down?  Things could get ugly.


2.  Teach him that very last 'difficult-for-many' step of taking the glass or plate off of the counter space directly above  the dishwasher and actually put it in the dishwasher.  Too many times, that last 5 second step is overlooked.


Points given for getting dirty dishes IN dishwasher..points taken away for rinsing and leaving on counter above dishwasher.


3.  Teach him a fun game called Laundry Basketball.  Lift up the laundry basket lid - aim- shoot.  If his Laundry Basketball skills are poor, and it doesn't quite make it in, make sure he knows to then actually bend over, pick it up and physically place it in the basket.  Too many men suffer from poor aim and end up leaving their socks and underwear on the lid or directly in front of the basket.  So close yet so far away.  Just follow through and shoot.


Shot Clock!  It takes less than 3 seconds to fix this situation.  Bend over, pick up, toss in.


4.  Teach him to put his things away.  If he knows how to put his things away instead of leaving them for days...and weeks..and months on the counter or wherever, he'll know where they are when he needs them.  This way, he won't have to ask his wife every 10 minutes where something is.  Also teach him to look with two eyes open and scavenge the entire room thoroughly before giving up and asking where it is.  When this, emergency-only need arises, teach him not to ask in an accusatory fashion and imply she threw it out, just tell him to willingly admit that he can't remember where he put it and she will gladly help.

I have spent half of my life looking for other people's stuff! 

5.  Teach him to make the most delicious breakfast ever.  Include coffee, eggs, pancakes, toast and bacon too in your cooking lessons.  Not only will this make for an amazing treat for his wife and maybe even kids some day, but it will also guarantee he'll never starve or not know his way around a kitchen.

6.  Teach him how to go to the store with a grocery list and not use his cellphone to call with questions.  There are going to be times whether his wife is sick in bed or with an infant or post- surgery or God knows what, and he has to go to the store.  If the list says, "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter," teach him not to call home or text saying he doesn't understand what that is or can't find it.  This goes back to Rule #4 under looking thoroughly with both eyes open.  Teach him it's ok to use his judgement (within reason and logic) and make exceptions if there is a problem and they are out- of -stock or something.  Any decent wife won't flog him too much for that.


You are an adult.  You can read.  You can do this.  Don't Screw It Up.

7.  Teach him, that when his children wake up in the middle of the night, not to say "I've got this" and then fall back asleep.  Also, tell him not to ask 20 questions of his wife when she returns from checking on them.  He needs to understand that by sleeping through the crisis, he loses his right to know the details.

8.  Teach him that it is ok to get sick, but not to act like it's the end of the world.  Everyone gets sick.  Men do not need or deserve to have special above-and-beyond pampering when they are under the weather.  Teach him to take the Motrin his wife offers and sleep it off.  Moaning, weeping like a child and any extra theatrics are annoying to women, especially those who have given birth.  And for goodness sake...teach him how to pick up and throw away his nasty used tissues.


Man up, it's a cold.  Just deal with it, and easy on the moaning.

9.  Teach him to understand that time of the month.  Help him understand that he should never be insensitive or impatient during that time.  Tell him that until he starts bleeding out of his Johnson and has to insert a Qtip into his urethral orifice every few hours, he is not to question any moodiness, bloating or irregularity.  Embed it into his brain that it hurts, it's miserable and it happens every month.  This is serious shit.

10.  Make him take a small engine repair , woodworking, or remodeling course of some sort.  Make sure he knows how to unclog a toilet he jacked up, change a light bulb without being asked, jump start a car, change a flat tire, mow a lawn and grill a perfect steak.  Women like a man who can do things without bringing out the nagger in her.  Just get it done.

In parting, I will leave you with this...

All we can do is raise the best men possible and teach them to always be with someone that knows and appreciates their worth and puts the wind in their sails and to absolutely do the same for their wives.  To be kind to one another, respect one another, and love each other with everything they have to give. ~DG, circa 2008, Three Good Men

Cheers to Brilliant Men of the Future...
~ DG

6 comments:

  1. As a mother of two girls, I can only hope that someday when they are ready for marriage, they meet one of your sons! :)

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  2. Love love love this!! I've been working on all of the lessons listed above for the last 11 yrs...add to that, losing the "Marley" method of drying off after a shower. "See those fluffy folded things under the sink?? Know them, love them, use them."

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  3. 9 made me LOL. And I'm lucky enough to enjoy 5 every weekend!

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    Replies
    1. Isn't it awesome! People ask me how I like my eggs! My answer: made for me. Love it!

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  4. I love #8.. my hubby and I were both sick a few weeks ago and we also have a 4 1/2 month old son. His solution was to sleep it off while I took care of our son even though I was sick also. I told him several times if he could manage to get off his death bed for a moment I could use some help lol

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