Diary of a Remodel

This is a diary of the day to day happenings during our first floor facelift last year.  It didn't include nearly as many of the gory details that it should've but thought it deserved to be printed.
The Remodel:  Finally!  We have enough pennies saved up to give the first floor the simple updating it needs.  I decided to keep an online journal so I can remember everything that happens so we can refer to it if needed. Yay us, finally just doing it!

Day 1:  Feeling so optimistic! This is going to amazing and spectacular and my house is finally going to look beautiful!  I am so excited, can't wait for the flooring guy to come! Floors first, hubby says!

Day 1pm:  Well this is kind of weird, Flooring guy didn't show up.  Said he would call hubby back this afternoon but didn't.  This can't be good.  Hubby speculates flooring guy is dead as he's worked with him for years and has never taken more than two minutes to call him back.  Don't panic! It'll all be ok, I'm sure!
Day 2:  Whew! Flooring guy not dead.  Has chest pains as well as extreme depression issues, he will be in bed for a few days.  I hate to be insensitive but was wondering if he could have a nervous breakdown after he tiles the floor?

Day 3:  Flooring guy calls Hubs. Apparently has serious heart problems is in hospital this morning.

Days 4-6:  We'll call this a break from the remodel! Be Patient!

Flooring guy is NOT dead! Hooray!

Day 7:  Still no flooring guy.  He needs a little more time.  Hubs is so kind.  He gives him one more day. I feel like I could start get grouchy...but I am  moving forward.
Day 8:  Flooring guy had every intention of coming in today to get the job done, but was attacked with a case of the runs from all of his new meds.  Said he'd prefer to give his intestines a day to regroup.  What a considerate man.

Day 9.  Flooring guy who called in yesterday worked all day today!....with the runs. Smell of Clorox and Tile Grout mixed with Fecal Matter lingers in air and is making me woozy, however, feeling of euphoria from job getting done outweighs dizziness.  Please God, get me through this day without vomiting.  He really IS doing a great job on the tile so isn't that all that matters.  At this point, yes.  (post note: spent one hour disinfecting bathroom upon his departure).

Day 10:  Diarrhea man is back to finish the job!  He actually finished everything today.  The floors look spectacular.  Why was I so upset, every remodel suffers minor setbacks, yes?

Day 11:  Painter is coming today!!  Aww, what a nice man!  And he must be health conscious because he arrived on his bike!  He's painting the hallway now, I think I'll go have a chat with him.

Day 11 pm:  Poor painter!  He has been painting all of his life, and according to him, he has chronic back pain that he is managing with Oxycontin. He's wondering if I can pay him for the whole job up front.  I'm no dummy though! I will simply give him today's pay, along with some fresh baked goodies to take home! Hope this isn't going to be a problem! 

Tip #1:  If a painter arrives on a bike to give you a quote, don't assume it's because he is health conscious!
Day 12:  Painter informs me that he has a toothache as well as a headache.  I'm worried about this poor, poor man!  I send him home with soup that I made fresh.  Hope he can manage on his bike with it!

Day 13:  Message from Painter:  He will not be returning to finish our job, he needs all of his teeth removed as well as open heart surgery and a kidney transplant and is wondering if we have any money and/or Oxycontin to lend him, oh, and can we drop it by his apartment because he lost his license due to too many DUIs.  Ummmm No. and No. Moving on.  Jackass.

Day 14:  Pouring myself a drink this morning.  This remodel is not going as smoothly as I hoped.  New painter arrived, also on a bike, to give us a quote.  No more bikes.  Must have car.  Must post on FB recommendation for painter. Done.

Day 15:  Painter #3 arrives, must be an environmentalist as he has his much much older girlfriend drop him off for the job to save gas?  Finishes job in one day.  Thank God!  We chat on the way out.  He mentions that he lives in his parents' driveway in a camper because he lost all of his money gambling. Oh and that's mom in the driveway waiting to pick him up. Why, Jesus, Why?

Day 16:  Furniture arrives today! Hurray Hurray....I can't wait for them to bring it in!!  I am totally over the sting of the rejects that worked on our remodel..bring in the furniture and call it a day! Woo hooo! 

Day 16pm: Well that was awkward.  Delivery guy was scary..Tried to make nice & chat a I said, "Bob's seems like a nice place to work.." "It's not," he said then he got mean.. "They treat us like shit..& I'll bet you paid more for us to deliver this crap than we make in a day." 

"Alrighty then, I'll just be in the next room if you need anything! Please don't kill me while you're here, thanks!"  Then he tells me that he broke part of our beautiful new entertainment center and he'll have to come back next week to re-deliver.  Entertainment Center legs rock back and forth, very wobbly and wrong.  Something's not right,"  I tell him.  "Yeah, your floor is uneven..somebody fucked up your new wood floors."  Gulp.  Someone get this creeper out of my house!  And shit! What's wrong with the floors?

Tip #2:  Never let the delivery guys tell you that your floor is uneven.
Day 16late late pm:  Hubs says floors are fine and delivery guy is stoned on meth.  Whew.  At least our floors don't need redone..but why is this bookcase wobbly?

Day 21:  Furniture Delivery: Take 2:  Arrives again by new delivery people.  New people inform me old driver was fired for stealing from customers. (See! I knew I didn't misplace that bracelet on the counter! I'm NOT crazy!).  Also, new delivery guy bends over and unscrews leveler underneath Entertainment Center making it not rock anymore.  3 seconds. That's all it took..and it wasn't even long enough for me to be grossed out by his ass crack he proudly displayed while fixing it!  I write a letter of praise to Bob's, admiring this wonderful delivery guy for what? Doing. His. Job. 

In hindsight, I wonder how I made it through those three weeks.  It was the most insane, awkward, crazy, hysterical, unbelievable three weeks of our lives.  I would've never believed it if someone told me that is what we were going
to be in for.  It was all worth it since the house really did turn out beautifully, but I do not want to go through that again. 

If you are thinking about remodeling...get referrals, ask for opinions, do what you need to do. But be prepared for the worst, then you'll be pleasantly surprised if it all goes well!
Domestically yours,


  1. Oh my dear were entirely more gracious than most! Aren't you glad you can laugh about it now? :-)

  2. OMG- I have the same problem with remodelers, ESPECIALLY painters. I was beginning to think it was me and that I just have that special ability to piss them off and then they never show back up!


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