The other day I ran into an old co-worker-friend of mine. I was genuinely happy to see him but I couldn't concentrate on anything he was saying because his eyebrows were so long and out of control. I was trying really hard to stay focused but one of his eyebrow hairs was so long it felt like it was actually in my personal space. What a shame. Our reunion was tainted by poor manscaping issues; a problem that seems to be running rampant this season.
What makes a man give up on himself like that? What makes a man go from handsome groom to needing a grooming kit? When I last saw him, he was professionally dressed, well-coiffed, and neatly kept. This time, his hair was shaggy and free of product, eyebrows wild, and he just looked disheveled. One thing I did manage to pull from the conversation, however, was the addition of three children since I left my job 6 years ago. Woop - there it is..the C word - Children. As if it's not enough to worry about grooming ourselves during our hectic days and sleepless nights, now we have to keep an eye out on our men lest they start swaying back to their caveman roots. They do have a tendency to slip a little if we don't stay on them.
|Excavating? or Ex-caveman-ating? That's the question.|
Here are a few things to keep an eye out for so your man doesn't regress to his less than hygienic college days.
Showering - Showering is the basic key to keeping your man well-groomed. Some guys feel like eh- I'll shower tomorrow and that's OK once in a while - but 2 days has to be the max. Anything more is grounds for a strike of the intimate kind.
Eyebrows - Your man should not look like a muppet. Get the scissors and a comb and trim those bad boys up. I had to beg Hubs to let me do it once and he was so happy with the results, he takes care of them now. See, sometimes you just have to show them how it's done - or that it needs done period.
Hair - there's no reason to have Lego hair - get a drop of gel, spike it, mess it up, do something. Anything is better than nothing at all. And bedhead is unattractive - put a lid on it if need be.
|How can we trust someone enough to be President of our country when we can't trust his basic hair judgement? The Donald needs to cut that shit off, put some gel in it, and knock off the crap.|
Teeth - Women may like a dirty mouth on a man - but only figuratively - not literally. Periodontal disease is no joke - it costs an arm and a leg to un-do not to mention it's nasty. Floss the choppers, gargle and brush. Buy some fun toothbrushes and pastes to make it fun for your man to take care of his teeth. I'm sure the Justin Bieber toothbrush would be a big hit. Kidding.
Skin - Guys get dry skin, oily skin, flaky skin - get them a decent scrub for the shower and an appropriate lotion to match - tell him he needs to take care of his skin or he will look like George Burns when he's 50. Not a good look.
Diet - Too many times, the beer sneaks up on the belly. This is never attractive. No woman is going to say say.."I love the way my husband's big belly that hangs over his golf pants..." If you have to lift the gut with the left to pee with the right, you've got a problem dude. Find time to exercise together, or help him find a hobby to get active. Eating well 5 nights a week, and having a little indulgence on the weekends is a good effort too.
Clothes - Help him keep his wardrobe updated. Guys tend to hold on to too many articles from their past. This includes 80s Bill Cosby sweaters, neon colored Gold's Gym tank tops, and outdated Wranglers that go up to the belly button. Get some comfy fitting, manly looking jeans and for everyone's sake - steer clear of mens' skinny jeans. Those are totally ridiculous.
Feet - What is with guys' feet? They are rough and cracked and look like a sidewalk for crying out loud. Slather some lotion on those barking dogs and don't be afraid to get a pedicure once in a damn while. Cavemen had feet like that because they didn't wear shoes. What's your excuse?
Excess Hair - There's no reason to look like you have a vest on when it's just your skin. Waxing hurts - there's no denying it. But being called an orangutan by children at the beach hurts just as much. Take care of that would you? This also goes for goatees, moustaches, beards, sideburns. You can't just grow that shit out and let crumbs and bacteria nest in there for days. Trim it up - keep it neat. No one needs to know what you had that day for lunch by the crumbs you left behind.
|This is no laughing matter if it's what your husband looks like in the pool.|
Look, most men are comfortable in their own skin. They don't obsess over themselves like we do. So when the sleep deprivation and chaos of Parenthood ensues, good hygiene is the first thing to go. It's our job to make sure that doesn't happen. So ladies, add that to the task list and now you've gone from ten minutes of allotted time to get ready, to five. It's not easy being Superwoman!
|Add Manscaping to it and you're done..almost.|