Wednesday

A Case of the Blahdays.


I'm feeling down today.  It happens to all of us doesn't it?  I made the mistake of watching the news this morning while I waited for my morning elixir of strong coffee and French Vanilla creamer.  The sweet helps the bitter go down.  Ironic isn't it?

Last week, it hit 80+ degrees here in New Hampshire.  Last night, however, it hit 20 degrees.  I watched the apple farmers wipe tears from their eyes as they talked about how significant this year's losses will be.  As if people aren't struggling enough, at every turn there seems to be something else to make swimming upstream even harder.  As happy as everyone was last week while the sun was shining, there were people who knew that the other shoe would drop when it went back to normal March temperatures.  I feel awful for these people, but I shut the tv off before I hear anything else that breaks my heart.

As I try to change my disposition and turn my focus to my kids, my 4 year old tells me that he no longer likes the Orange Juice with 'a little pulp.'  This never was a problem before.  I make a mental note of this as I pour him some milk instead.

My three year old looks at the plate of breakfast in front of him and tells me that he doesn't want cream cheese on his bagel this morning, he wants peanut butter instead.   Exhale, Mommy, Exhale.  They are just little guys being honest.  Work with it.  As I stand in the kitchen, dealing with this silly scenario, I hear the sound of the garbage truck whirring down the street.  Shit!  It's Tuesday!  I stop what I'm doing, throw on my shoes, and drag the garbage cans down to the road as fast as humanly possible.  The trucks pull up and laugh at me as they see I'm hyperventilating in my Yoga pants and ponytail, mascara smudged down my eyes.  I give them a pathetic, forced smile along with a thumbs up and a nod of my head and I run back to the house.  Back to the breakfast crisis at hand.

A few simple situations seem like a mountain to overcome while I struggle to pull myself together.  Middler lets out a huge sneeze, blowing everything built up in his nose all over his face.  I reach for a tissue, only to find the box is empty and still on the counter.  Maddening.  I run to the bathroom to grab tissue - the roll has one square left on it.  As I run TO the bathroom, I see that the cat has pooped outside of the box, and smeared poop all through the hallway on the floor.  Snot on toddler, poop on floor, empty kleenex box, toilet paper roll needs changed, Youngest doesn't want cream cheese, Middler hates pulp.  Tears are welling up in my eyes.  Stupid, yes.  But true.

30 minutes later, I have things under control.  Kids are fed, floor is mopped, toilet paper is refilled, kleenex box folded in recycle bin - feelings of sadness and frustration are still there.  You'll always have days like this.  It's not a big deal. 

No matter how I try to fight these feelings on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis, they are there.  Isn't everyone just holding on by their fingernails?  We put on a good show, but underneath the hair and makeup, fun clothes and pretty handbags, we're glued together not by superglue, but more like an elementary school type of glue stick.  You know, the kind that barely holds stuff together long enough to make it home for parents to ooh and ahh and then falls apart?

So how do I pull it back together?  I call a friend or two, ask how their day is going, and listen to their responses.  Same type of day, different scenario.  Someone was up all night with a fever, another one got bullied at school, someone else is struggling with a diet, toilet training, a sleepless toddler. We manage to throw a few jokes in between, just to show that we're ok and still keeping it together, but are we?  First world problems, I get it.  Doesn't mean that they don't matter.  Life is hard sometimes.  That's why I depend on humor so much.  I'm not feeling funny today - and that's ok.  I know when something is really funny, I'll laugh.  In the meantime, I will be content to draw strength and courage from the innocent, hopeful smiles on the faces of my kids.  They are all I need on days like this. Well, one more thing that helps.  I'm Alright by Jo Dee Messina.  Just a gentle reminder that everything is ok..even when it feels like it's not.

Tomorrow will be better...I'm sure of it.  I'm not a complainer - I am blessed beyond words - we have health, happiness and home...but today I'm giving myself permission to feel shitty. 
~DG

9 comments:

  1. I had a day like this a few weeks ago. I was sick. The young one was making life sort of impossible. I had a new carseat I couldn't figure out how to install and the icing on the cake was being told by the car wash attendant that his wash was closed because rain was coming. I had to pull over because I immediately started crying and call my husband to complain. Luckily, the hubs knows better than to be "too busy" for hysteria. Go ahead and feel shitty and make everyone else miserable too. It might make you feel better. Tomorrow is a new day....

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    1. Karin - you are so kind to respond to this blog... It seems so foolish to complain over such silly things - but we all have a breaking point don't we? Behind the pulp, the bagel, the cat litter, there are 1000 other things that I let roll off for the 30 days prior. Life could be so much worse and I am fortunate that these are my gripes. I realize that. But some days, some days I wish my family was near, I wish I had a little more help - a little more money - just a little more oomph. So glad you posted. You made me feel better just by saying you've been there. ;)

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  2. You're not alone, girlie... I always say I'm holding on by band aids & a rubber band ready to snap.
    Hang in there :)

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    1. Thanks honey! The good thing is, it doesn't happen too often. xo

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  3. I bought Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and read it to my 4 yo for the first time yesterday. My 4 yo was unimpressed. I asked her, "Don't you ever have terrible, horrible days?" She said "No. All my days are great."
    But me? I OWN that book. I'm keeping it for myself.

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  4. I have to say the whole time reading this I was nodding in agreement! Yes I know there are many people out there struggling way worse then me, but sometimes I can not help it. Its those days where, as your blog, every little tiny thing is going wrong and I just have the urge to cry. The feeling of defeat is hard, I totally hate those days and those feelings! Please know you are not alone in what you described in this post! Though I totally stalk your blog daily and love it and laugh everytime, it was refreshing to read this one and know someone else goes through these periods of being down just as I do. Thanks and I hope the feeling does not last long!! Ill stalk the blog till your ready for a new post :-) keep your head up your blog helps me find humors in my days and dread when my 20month old is older or when I have more kids lol

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  5. Damn. glad I'm not the only one. I feel like I have more days like this than not lately. Blah blah blah. This too shall pass. PLEASE. love you.

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  6. Sorry to hear you're in a funk. It doesn't sound like your weather is helping any. I hope you get some warm breezes and sunshine your way soon. The good news is you're rocking it on FB. Did you see all your new fans? Nice work!

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  7. Sorry, I was on vacation and am just catching up. I also had this kind of day on Wednesday March 28! I actually posted to my FB status "I need an attitude adjustment! A time out or a spanking for real!" (I did get some spanking comments and an imediate text from my hubs saying he could accomidate spanking and attitude adjustment - LOL! You are definitely NOT alone!!
    Devan

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