Tuesday

The Magic Step




I've got one step on the staircase that I like to call the Magic Step.  It's the step where 4/5 Dentists surveyed in our home put shit that needs to go upstairs.  Unfortunately, only 1/4 Dentists in this house actually take said shit upstairs.  Dr. Mom, DDS (Damn inDentured Servant).

What gives? 

"Honey, take this upstairs and put it in your room so when you need it, you know where it is."
11 year old walks over to stairway and places on step.  I am distracted by 10,000 other things and do not realize it was put there until 10:00pm.  (Mental note:  Yell at 11 year old in morning. (Actual mental retention of this information: 28 seconds.  Poof. Gone from memory.)

Hubs likes to take off his socks when he gets home.  He's like some kind of Grizzly Adams Mountain Man that needs to be barefoot the second he has the opportunity.  Where do the socks go?  On the Magic Step.  Sometimes, I just walk on by them.  For days.  But then I can't take it any longer and I grab them on the way up.  Most days, I accept this as my fate.  I am the Magic Step Fairy.  Things that sit on the Magic Step disappear and end up in the place they belong.  I'm like Samantha from Bewitched with a twitch of my nose the object disappears.  Most days I'm ok with this.  Today I was not.

You must have me confused with the maid?

AM I THE ONLY G-D PERSON IN THIS HOUSE THAT CAN TAKE ANYTHING UPSTAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRS?????????????

Family stares in horror.  Oh shit.  I've gone mental on them over stair clutter.  Mama needs a drink.  Everyone step away from mama.  I've got this.

I have left things for days - even weeks to see if anyone would touch it.  Not only did they not, they actually skipped the step altogether and walked over them.  This takes talent.  I mean to visibly catch the item in your sight, then mentally say to yourself, nope, not picking that up today, and proceed up the stairs is a feat in itself if you ask me.  See, when I head upstairs and I see something that needs picked up I say to myself, pick it up now, or attempt to pick it up later and risk tripping and falling down the stairs and ending up in a cast. Those are my options running through my head when encountering the Magic Step.

The thing is - if I fall down the steps and end up breaking something , I'm the only one that will suffer.
Mom simply cannot be laid up or the whole system will fail!

I love Everybody Loves Raymond - so I will leave you with this classic clip from the episode called The Suitcase.  We've all been there.  We've all got a Magic Step.  God I love that I'm not alone in the Magical World of Housewivery!


 Check out this clip - 
http://www.youtube.co/watch?v=wpCr_IkZ7-4

Magically Yours,
~DG









13 comments:

  1. My ex used to take off his work clothes when he got home....he took them off DOWNSTAIRS, then went UPSTAIRS to get clean clothes.....and left the "work clothes" downstairs. I started putting them in the corner of the stairway, so he'd bring them up. NOPE. The pile got up past my waist (& I'm tall). I stopped doing his laundry, too. I told him if it isn't in the laundry, I won't do it. ;)

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  2. I love this! We have the same damn magic step...haha. It's almost easier when there is an actual pile because I can see it and avoid stepping on it. The problem is AFTER I've taken the pile o' crap upstairs and one of the boys starts a NEW pile. With something small, dark (blending with dark gray carpet) and naturally...sharp-edged. :-)

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  3. my magic step is the sink/dishwasher. They are literally 2 feet apart, but everyone just stacks things in the sink and leaves them.grrrrrrrr

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  4. We absolutely have a Magic Step! And also a sock corner for my husband who strips off his uniform, then goes upstairs to clean without taking his socks with him...

    Do you have the Magic Counter where pockets get emptied and is ALWAYS cluttered with trash, coins, appointment slips, screws, recall rosters, and whatever else is emptied? (Yet somehow when it is wash time for the uniform, there is STILL crap in there that ends up in my washer...)

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    1. That place on my counter is called the junk pile. My husband will say, "Have you seen the stilus for the ipad?" Me:"In the junk pile!" When it has a name and you refer to it by that name, you have a problem. We also have a junk bowl right by the junk pile, for tiny items. (hairbows and shit). All this along with the usual 2 junk drawers and the magic step. sigh.

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  5. The thought of the magic step makes my eye twitch. Where's my drink!?

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  6. OMG...you must be talking about my family!!! I have a bag of toys sitting on the magic step and it's been there for three days now. My eye twitches just thinking about it. I am fairly certain BOTH kids and possibly daddy have looked through the bag to locate missing toys and I know mama has mentioned that the toys need to get upstairs and be put away on several occasions. And yet, the bag sits. I'm thinking of moving it to the front sidewalk and calling Rescue Mission for a donation pickup. I'm positive they'll pick it up in less than three days! ;)

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  7. I feel so much less alone in the universe. I will just focus on the socks and shoes, but there is other stuff, oh yes, there is other stuff on my Magic Step. My family leaves every shoe and sock scattered across the first floor.

    We do not have a mud room and I don't need any suggestions. I have tried many ways to correct this behavior and it has come down to this: I either calmly point it out to the offenders and supervise them like a prison guard until they put them in the correct places OR I leave home. You have shown me the grass is not greener. Anywhere.

    I once piled shoes and socks on the Magic Step so high that they overflowed on the two steps below and spread out on the floor at the bottom of the steps. I watched my family turn into mountain goats to scale the pile. And that is how I came to sign my family up for summer camp at Mt. Everest to become sherpas. The End. Ellen

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  8. We have a magic step at our house as well. I have gotten to the point where I just roll my eyes and hope it will magically disappear someday!

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  9. I once sat a box of Cheez Its on our magic step as an experiment. My husband would actually stop to grab a handful and then proceed up the stairs, leaving the box there. Three days later, when the box was empty, yet still sat on the step, I asked him and my kids if they ever wondered why in hell a box of Cheez Its were on the stairway. No one had an answer. I could put Jimmy Hoffa's body on the magic step and everyone would just step over it, never questioning why.

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  10. We have the socks all over the downstairs, the magic step, and when my oldest takes her stuff upstairs like I tell her to, it literally sits at the TOP OF THE STAIRS until I tell her to move it into her bedroom.

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  11. We have a rule (mommy snapped one time too many): No one goes up the stairs emptyhanded. It's fun to watch my kids search nervously for something to take up when the magic step is empty. There is ALWAYS something that needs to go up. You made me laugh!

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  12. Just put a donation box on that step and everything goes in-someone else will benefit after the bill for the laundering goes to the donor.

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