Thursday

One Grande Estrogenspresso to Go!


Is there anyone left who is extraordinary these days without some kind of help?

In a world where so many athletes use steroids that we don't think twice about it anymore, we are used to the thought of these guys attaining Superman status by breaking batting records and rushing yard records and cycling times, etc. We have come to almost expect them to test positive for performance enhancing drugs because what normal person could finish the Tour de France faster than a speeding bullet?


What I didn't expect, however, was to read about Wall Street traders' dirty little secret of testosterone injections. Apparently, testosterone shots are 'all the rage' in this male-dominated profession. The boost given by this hormone injection is supposed to help them perform better at work, put in longer hours, and make them more mentally aggressive. Can you imagine this new breed of Tiger Investor? Imagine the mood on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange filled with overly aggressive Alpha Males prancing around? There is even a company that offers Male Hormone injections opening an outpost around the corner from Wall Street next month, according to the UK Daily Mail. It's their belief that pumping themselves up with these performance enhancing hormones will make them more aggressive, risk-taking investors. I can see it now - instead of the Bonds traders on the floor running around - there will be the 'Barry Bonds' of the trading floor sprinting around from computer to computer like bases on a ball field. How about the poor women on the stock exchange? Unless they want a Tom Selleck moustache, these testosterone shots aren't for them! Which leads me to my next thought....if these guys are selling out to testosterone therapy, what are women overachievers guilty of ?

Instead of these guys lunching at the local hotspots on Wall Street and doing a shot of espresso, they are running out for a shot of Testosterone instead.

If Martha Stewart, or Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez or Angelina Jolie were tested for performance-enhancing drugs, would they test positive for an unusually high level of estrogen? Perhaps these ladies, overachievers-if-you-will, are shooting up estrogen on a daily basis, thus turning into save-the-world, business minded, Midas touch having energizer bunnies? This makes total sense to me. I bet you they wear an estrogen patch that delivers a steady stream of mood stabilizers and collagen to the lips. YES...this makes sense now. Could you imagine, ladies, if we started shooting up estrogen like these successful athletes, wall streeters, and celebs??? We could breed a new type of Superwoman if we had just a little help from our little hormone friends! Take a look at the benefits of elevated estrogen. (Please people, keep in mind that this is a humor blog and don't run out and patch up your entire ass with estrogen patches! This is me - joking and manipulating the facts for a cheap laugh!)
Guilty of Overachieving Under the Influence of Estrogen?

BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE:
Women who use Hormones reported an improved quality of life. Their mood, feeling of well-being, and self-esteem increased with every hour they wore the patch. The hormone therapy drug company even promises "better societal and domestic status as a direct benefit on mood and behavior."
BETTER MENTAL STATE:
Studies have shown Estrogen improves the mood of women.
Reasons for these mood-elevating effects aren't understood, but it is assumed that estrogen effects the nervous system providing a feeling of overall well-being. Women who are 'doping on estrogen' often describe a feeling of revitalization and of being 'reborn', which translates into better performance of daily duties and greater enjoyment of daily pleasures. Bahahahaaa!!! Dusting with a smile! Cooking with the giggles! Laundry while dancing and singing! These women feel more alert and better able to function from the steady stream of hormones pumping through their veins!
BETTER SLEEP:
It's also confirmed that Estrogen enhances the quality of sleep! Well no wonder these women are so freaking happy, they are actually sleeping through the night! No wonder they are more alert and function better - the Sandman actually sprinkles dust on their pillows at night - and I am certain he is passing out OUR share of the dust to them! This is just a no-brainer! Wouldn't we all function better on 8 beautiful hours of uninterrupted sleep?BETTER MEMORY:Women who take estrogen reported much better memory function. Mommybrain decreased by 60% and the ability to actually finish a thought or a sentence improved ten-fold.
Here is a summary of how Estrogen enhances the quality of life:


 *Slower overall body deterioration (giggle snort)

*Mental stability effect (couldn't we all use more mental stability?)
*Improved sleep (improved sleep to me means not waking 3 times to fulfill toddler requests)
*Improved short term memory (I have the worst short term..wait, what was the question again?)
*Enhanced sensation (enough said)

*Cheerier disposition ( I'll take a double short of Estrogenspresso!)
*Smoother skin (Damn you Angelina - I know you are on Momroids and this proves it!)
*Tauter bladder/pelvic floor muscle tone (No more peeing my pants at the smallest joke?)
*Firmer breasts (make mine a double!)


This should give you enough affirmation that Mom-Roids are good for you.
I'm always going to dream about the things I could do on 8 hours of sleep!
*Improved muscle tone (YES pleaaase!)

 
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Look out world - there is a new kind of Mommy's Little Helper that will put the
Stepford Wives to S H A M E !
Seriously, can't the drug companies get to work on a safe and effective

Superwoman pill?



Until then, I'm dragging ass, and this laundry is not going to fold itself.
Love and Hugs
~Super DG!




  

6 comments:

  1. Super pills are over rated. You are just perfect the way you are. Amazing and perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rubbish. But I love the compliments anyways..and I love my Dumpster Katy! xo

      Delete
  2. I heart this blog, therefore I nominated it for one of those award thingies.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Do you think I could get said supplement in a Super-Big-Gulp???

    ReplyDelete

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