"Damn I'm good at raising boys.." Scratch that; back up, I'm screwing this up, too.

I get an F on my Raising Good Men Report Card this week.

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I tooted my own horn for doing such a great job raising boys?

This might as well be me leading the 3 boys. 

Scratch that.

Back the f*ck up.

I'm doing it wrong.

This is what I get for tooting my own horn.  Beep Beep my ass. 

Here's what happened.

I came home from a meeting to find my 12- year -old in his room kind of somber.  I asked him what was wrong.  He told me he had just texted his 'girlfriend' of one year that he wanted to break up.  ((GASP)).  Before I go into that, I need to just define 'girlfriend' by his definition of it:  one whom I text, and get texts back from, but she whose name we do not speak, nor do I  speak of her to anyone, nor do I speak to her."

She's like Voldemort only with a cute nose.  Boys these days.  I just don't get it.

Anyhow - back to my giant, loud GASP.  You broke up with her via text?   How wrong and cruel to do to her after a year of ignoring her except for Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day and countless other commercial obligations?

"Mom, what did you expect me to do, tell her face to face?  Chicka - cough- psssh- kkk-(other noises), ya, right mom."  

Now back the hell up here.  No son of mine is going to be the ahole that dumped me via passed note in Biology class.  Hells no.

I told him look - if you're going to talk the talk, you're going to walk the walk.  She deserves to know why - and you are going to pick up that tiny little phone you have there and explain to her why you want to break up. (One more disclaimer: I feel I need to qualify the fact that the only reason he has a phone AND texting privileges is because he got all A's in middle school every term.  If he doesn't get all A's - the phone goes away.  Call me a Tiger Mom or whatever you wish, but there is no reason for a 12- year-old to have a phone-  but it does help with sports, afterschool, etc.  There. I feel better.)

He was mortified.

In a perfect world, I would be able to tell you that he called her.  But he did not.  Instead, he got a 15 minute lecture on relationship etiquette.  I feel terrible for that sweet girl.  I was her not long ago.  She is going to grow up to be a gorgeous, smart, special little lady and my 12- year -old will be nothing but a distant memory.  But as far as 12-year-old boys go, immaturity prevails and all I can hope is that he understands that he's not nearly grown up enough to be worrying about this kind of stuff.  Here, kid, take these Legos and get lost.  Thank God that's what he did.

My Revised Oath:

I will NOT raise a Berger...they will NOT break up with anyone on a Post- It.

I'm referencing the scene from Sex and the City when Jack Berger breaks up with Carrie on a Post-It Note.

They will not break up with anyone via Facebook status change (hell, they may never be allowed on Facebook!)



(thank you Little White Lion and the bridges I've burned will light my way )



They will not use an e-card to do it either.

That's all I've screwed up for now...but give me time, I'm sure there will be more.

Until then,

~DG