Ahh Preschool year 2 for Middler and year 1 for Youngest are coming to a close. I'd be wrong to not pass along the crucial information I have learned these past 2 years. Being not only a mom, but also a pre-school substitute at this school, I have acquired some valuable information regarding dropping off these precious gems for a morning of fun and play with fellow preschoolers.
First of all, I've seen it all. These little Academy Award winning stars in Daytime Drama have it all worked out. Ruin YOUR day before you head out for 2.5 hours of rushed errand-running by giving sad eyes, forlorn looks, and all types of trickery before you go. (Here's a fun fact: This continues for approximately 3.2 seconds and then they are allll smiles as they head over to their centers to indulge in carefree play and giggles while you sit in the parking lot and cry, wasting precious minutes off the ticking clock).
I've compiled a short list of maneuvers to watch out for and how to deal with them in the best way possible. This will require mental stamina and courage on your part. These kids can smell fear a mile away and will exploit those weaknesses and use them against you. If you are prepared, then there is no need for panic.
MANEUVER 1 THE FINGER DISLOCATOR: This might seem like a pretty benign finger grip at first. They might start off with one finger while saying Daddy/Mommy, stayyyy with me a little longer. Then it aggressively turns to the spreading of the fingers in a torturous way causing finger, knuckle or palm trauma. You could be looking at long term tendinitis and swollen finger joints if you don't nip this move quickly. You'll need to think fast and distract them into holding something to let go of the finger choker. Once relieved from this, you'll need to keep your hands out of the reachable space of your child.
MANEUVER #4 - THE ALL OUT TANTRUM: Oh they've got you where they want you know. They start yelling at the top of their lungs "I WANT TO GO WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..." and other heartbreaking cries for help. They know your heart is racing from what the other parents and teachers are thinking about your parenting skills or lack thereof. You have to be swift. You have to be cool. You have to quickly and firmly say - "you are going to have a great time playing at school while I am at the grocery store. I love you, Goodbye." And you go. You go quickly. Like a firedrill - no running down the hallway crying and falling apart. You save that shit for the car. You understand what I am saying? They see you crack - just one time - and they will pull that stunt every gdam day of Preschool. You don't want that reputation do you? Because you know there is always one. One parent who can't just walk away so their child knows they can get away with the floormopper move every day. Don't let your child be the floormopper of the class. It's not cool.