Thursday

A Sigh is Worth A Thousand Words...



"What was that for?"  Hubs asked.

"What was what for?"  I respond quickly.

"The big heavy sigh.."

"HUH?" 

"YOU ...you just sighed..you do it all the time..it usually means you're pissed about something." 

"Oh,"  I say, feeling busted.  "I didn't even realize it."

I sigh - often - it's a bad habit - but I think it's a self-preservation mechanism that prohibits me from dropping f-bombs and going into fits of Tourette's rages throughout the day.

I tried to notice lately how much I actually do sigh.  I do it...all....the...time.   Not just a nice healthy exhale of sorts either.  These are full on Olympia Dukakis-as-Rose-Castorini-from-Moonstruck type sighs.  The juicy ones that tell a story in themselves.

I can't love Rose Castorini (Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck) any more than I already do. Her sighs are like music to my ears.

I can't help it.  I'm like a hamster on a wheel.  It's like everything I do is pointless.  The cleaning, the picking up after everyone, the laundry, the cooking, the dishes.  It needs done.  I'm the one to do it.  It's all temporary, fleeting, unimportant..but it's hard.

I clean the bathroom, only to find a few minutes later, that one of the kids has trashed it again.  I pick up Legos constantly, I clean one room only to find the next one trashed.  I literally cannot go into one room to get something done, without being distracted by something that needs done.

So I sigh.

Repeatedly throughout the day.


Ahhh the power and beauty of women.

As I try to analyze things, I realize that I would be screaming otherwise.  It is maddening - infuriating sometimes, too.  Is it wrong for me to just want to finish a task without having to do ten more en-route?  Maybe I'm to blame.  Maybe I'm too OCD for my own good.  I don't know - can anyone ignore dollops of toothpaste in the sink while washing their hands? 

Perhaps screaming and kicking and throwing an all out tantrum on the floor would be better on occasion?  Maybe it would be cleansing and therapeutic.  God I would be exhausted if I threw a tantrum over all of the things I have to do in a day?  So I sigh, because it's a little more age appropriate.

Events throughout the day can be completely exasperating.  How much does a mother have in her before she breaks down?  Perhaps the fact that I only get a break on MWF for 2 hours and 20 minutes doesn't help any.  The fact that my family is far and I'm a one woman show while Hubs is working.  I'm cracked.  I admit it.  As much as I love being a mother, and I do, don't get me wrong, I am exhausted, frustrated, baffled, annoyed and off -kilter often during the day.  No matter how well I did it the day before, it's a whole new game when I get up in the morning.  So I sigh.



I think sighing is the release of the poison that builds out of frustration.  So releasing the poison is good for the mind, body and soul.  It gives the phrase letting off steam a whole new meaning.  If this is what my body needs to do, then I will continue to do it.  I'm like a Willow tree that sways in the wind, bending and gracefully falling over to avoid breaking..or in my case, breaking down.  I know it won't always be like this.  These little guys will get bigger and wiser, and more helpful (if I have anything to do with it they will!) and this will all just be a distant memory  - a silly complaint - a senseless rant.  But I'm in the thick of it now, and it needs to be out.  There.  I feel better.



Until next time friends,
~DG

7 comments:

  1. Oh I come from a long line of sighers. Get my mom and I together and you can't tell who is making the sound. I am vocal. Actor friends can always tell when I'm in the audience because of the sighing. That said, it is more adult of you. But dammit if I don't think you are awesome for all that you do every day. if you need a trantrum every now and then, I say go for it. In the meantime sigh away and know that I am in awe of you. Truly. xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think sighing freaks out our husbands, but I think it's way better than the alternative. I completely understand so many of your recent posts. The frustrations of motherhood, swimsuits (don't get me started), and the reasons for writing. I just started writing. And it's so fun. But I rarely do anything serious. But I'm so glad that you never let the haters get you down. I enjoy your blog, and I'm so happy that you keep on pushing through and ignore (the best we can) to those who want to bring you down. Keep on writing, it's like morning coffee with a girlfriend!

    Jen (completejensanity.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...and as a mommy of one who's left the nest - you will miss this. It's hard to believe, but you will miss stepping on random leggos at 2 am when you get up to pee. You'll miss the messes. My baby is 9 & chickadee is 5 - I don't know if the youngest will stay or leave (she's foster) but I am enjoying the messes without exploding (or at least trying) but I can so relate... cleaning lady comes once every 2 weeks on Thursday - by Friday morning, it's like she was never there. Chin up & sigh loudly :) and of course, keep on blogging it! Love you to bits

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm with ya! It isn't even the pressure to be supermom that does it to us, either. Just once, it would be nice to have one room in the house that doesn't need cleaning. I never understood how funny Pig Pen from Charlie Brown was until I had kids. And a husband. I actually found a dirty sock in the fridge not to long ago. Sigh away, and keep your sense of humor. And keep sharing it here!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, DG, we have SO much in common. . . yet again, I can honestly say, I could have written this exact post verbatim. *sigh* Sighing is just - like breathing. I guess it is kind of breathing, right? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I sigh...sometimes before I slam a door, sometimes after...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Holy Crap! You explained it to a T! Thank you! SIGH....

    ReplyDelete

Support random acts of kindness and leave me a nice comment..it totally counts as a good deed.