"Murphy" is a Douchebag; Sayings, Superstitions, & Beliefs That I am Officially Calling Bullshit

I should add the usual disclaimer so as not to offend anyone who really has had a 'stroke of bad luck' because sometimes really bad, unexplainable things really do happen to good people.  This is not about you - this is more about taking the power back and giving it to ourselves - and not believing that the world is out to get us.  Carry on.  Peacefully.      :)

This is not another bitch session.  Not griping.  Not complaining.  This is just going to be a simple statement of me putting an end to this silliness so we can stop believing in these ridiculous sayings, and change them around a little.  I refuse to let wives' tales and the bastardization of stories and sayings throughout the ages be dictated to me as fact when they are simply ludicrous and untrue.  I will not accept this garbage as the norm anymore.  If we stop believing in this hooey and start testing it - defying it rather, proving it is simply untrue, it will release the paralyzing control it has on us.  It's time to start calling bullshit on these sayings.

First of all, let's start with Murphy. 
"This so-called ‘law’ says that ‘Anything that can go wrong will go wrong’.
The ‘Murphy’ in the expression is commonly believed to be a certain Captain Edward A. Murphy, who was an American aerospace engineer back in 1949.
During experiments, Murphy, whose relationship with his research team was not as good as it could have been, often used to complain that ‘if things could be done wrongly, they would be’.
It wasn’t long before the team members started referring to this idea as ‘Murphy’s Law’!"

So what I am reading here is that Captain Douchebag Murphy, brilliant as he may have been was a big fat whiny complainer.  He didn't get along with his teammates and chastised them for making mistakes, and even made fun of them by saying that basically whatever they are doing, they are doing wrong.

"One day, after finding that a transducer was wired wrong, he cursed the technician responsible and said, "If there is any way to do it wrong, he'll find it."

The contractor's project manager kept a list of "laws" and added this one, which he called Murphy's Law."

And then apparently, Murph the Jerk met his untimely death in this fashion.

"One dark evening (in the U.S.), Mr. Murphy's car ran out of gas. As he hitchhiked to a gas station, while facing traffic and wearing white, he was struck from behind by a British tourist who was driving on the wrong side of the road."

*Shrugs*   Sounds like a case of someone was an asshole most of his life and he left the earth prematurely in an unattractive way.  Maybe he tested and proved the theory of 'finally getting what was coming to him.' (Another statement I personally loathe about karma and paybacks).

If you ask me - society morphed this idiot into a right- to- ruin people law.  Something goes terribly wrong "Murphy's Law."   You're running late for an appointment because you couldn't get your shit together to get out of the door on time?  "Murphy's Law."  Elevator door closes as the people inside of it pretend to care and try to stop it but not really.  "Murphy's Law."   We don't blame ourselves or the selfishness of people around us - we chock it up to the Murphster.

Stop this.  Stop it now.   The more power we give to Murphy's Law, the more momentum it will gain.  You are trying to get somewhere fast - you hit every red light known to man.  You start cursing and banging on your steering wheel and blaming Murphy's Law - transferring your energy into this phenomenon that is going to inevitably get you pulled over by the police, thus making you even later, or even worse, in an accident.

Then you'll say - "Great - what else can go wrong?"


Or maybe - WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS! (Believe it or not, we can thank Morton's Salt for this one).

"Yes. In 1911, Morton created free-flowing salt by adding magnesium carbonate as an absorbing element. Following that, Morton decided to run a series of ads in Good Housekeeping magazine promoting its new product. An ad was developed featuring the little girl carrying the round container and holding an umbrella during a rain shower. The original copy read, "Even in rainy weather, it flows freely." Everyone agreed on the ad's appeal, but thought the copy was too wordy. It was reworded and a new advertising slogan was born! "  SEE - There is NOTHING to this statement but salt! It definitely doesn't hold any water like we make it out to!

No No No.   That's not even true - that doesn't make any sense.  When it rains, sometimes it just drizzles and then stops.  It doesn't always POUR.  That story is over - done - overplayed.  No.  Don't buy into that.  It's like saying well, if things are going to go wrong, they are going to go VERY wrong.  It freaks everyone out like all of a sudden because you got a flat tire on the way to work, you'll end up with 2 more horrible things happening to you before the day is over.  'Bad things always happen in threes you know!'  This comes from the 14th century group of extreme downers that thought that misfortune does not come alone.  Give me a break - do you really believe that garbage?  So something bad happens - are you really going to sit there and throw the towel in and wait for 2 more things to happen to make it a Trifecta of shittiness?  No thanks! I'm going to quote Public Enemy on this and say... DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T - DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!

So you shrug again.  "Everything happens for a reason."   BULLSHIT.  No - it doesn't.  Sometimes things happen because you were dicking around on the Internet for too long and you made yourself late for an appointment and were rushing through a light and got pulled over.  What possible reason could there be for that?  It's totally ridiculous crap they have been feeding us for years!

And when I say idiot - I mean if you BELIEVE that.  Part of me does believe this one even though I absolutely hate the cliche that it is.  I mean I like to think that I got divorced so that I could end up happy with the man of my dreams - however, I have to credit myself for knowing when to leave an unhappy marriage, take care of myself, love myself, and then open myself up to love again - I mean there's some skill involved you know? 

"Wouldn't it figure?"   Woe-is-fucking-me.  Boo hoo - wouldn't it figure that you couldn't get your shit together long enough to prevent yourself from being late in the first place?  Wouldn't WHAT figure?  Stop the poor me thing already - it's not suiting to anyone.  Just once, plan ahead - figure things out - be prepared - and you'll see that with a positive attitude and some readiness, things will go smoother.

"If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all..."   Snap out of it Eeyore.  Seriously?  You create your own aura.  You want a bad aura?  You keep pretending to be miserable and whiny and complain about everything.  You want to be successful and happy - then it starts with YOU.  Seriously. 

"There's always tomorrow."    Again. No.  Fix it today.  You don't know if there's a tomorrow.  You aren't Clarice from Rudolph.  God I hate that part of the movie - it sucks.  Nothing like brushing something off and putting it on tomorrow's shoulders.  Today gets off too easily too much of the time.  Why not fix it - deal with it - spit in its eye and say - no - you don't do this to me - I'm taking the control back today.

Call me someone who needs instant gratifications and solutions - I am NOT waiting until tomorrow for my 'luck' to change or for my problems to go away.  I hated this part of the movie - every time.  I was always thinking - 'well what good does that do for Rudolph when he just got ousted from today's Reindeer Games?'

"If it wasn't this, it would be something else."   More bologna.  More cop outs.  What kind of something else were you hoping for?  Are you that convinced that you are a target for bad karma that you just accept your fate as someone with a tendency toward bad luck?   It doesn't hold any water - these theories - they are nothing but excuses for why things keep going wrong.

"If it wasn't this, it would be something else" was the main theme of Elizabethtown. I love when Orlando Bloom's character says, "There's a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is merely the absence of success. Any fool can achieve failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of epic proportions. A fiasco is a folk tale told to other's to make other people feel more alive because it didn't happen to them."

What about not blowing all the candles out on your cake?  No wishes for you - God forbid you get a weird wind or mis-breath and don't quite get them out.  What is this, the soup nazi episode of Seinfeld?  NO WISH FOR YOU!

How about breaking a mirror?  People think they are doomed for 7 years.  NO!  So what - toss the mirror and clean up the mess - if you get cut while cleaning it, it is because broken glass is sharp - not because of luck. 

  Some people, maybe some more than others, have an  abundance of good fortune. They thrive in all aspects of their lives - love, careers, finances, etc. and in leading happy and meaningful lives. We say this is a stroke of luck - or they are so lucky and have the Midas touch.  We don't consider the fact of how hard people may have worked to get there - or what someone might have gone through to get there.  There's no way to tell.  But let's stop giving so much weight to 'LUCK' and being in the right place at the right time.  And let's definitely stop with the woe is me.  This is a tough time right now for a lot of people.  It has nothing to do with luck. 

Stop letting luck and these superstitions and saying have so much control over us.  Let's start giving ourselves the energy we spent on worrying about this silly stuff and see how far that energy can propel us into doing what makes us happy, what brings us good fortune, what makes us thrive.   Let's set ourselves up for success even if it means 'going the extra mile' and being mentally and physically prepared for challenges ahead.  The less energy we put into believing in this nonsense, the less hold it has on our psyche.

That's all for today - I feel better calling bullshit on this stuff. 

Until next time - thanks for reading - and remember to grab today by the junk and show the here and now who's boss...


  1. This is so brilliant and true - so obvious yet I never though of it this way. We give too much power to 'luck' - time to start making our own way and believing that our positive energy can make good things happen. Spot on DG. Thanks for making me think already this morning! ~Sara B.

  2. PREACH, sister!! I agree whole-heartedly, for the record. Awesome post...even in your ranting you make me giggle. Love you, girl! <3

  3. Lol, I'm going to read this again later to my husband! Only thing good about Murphy, as far as I'm concerned, is his closet - because I've got lots of those. As for the rest of the crap - Hey - I consider Friday the 13th to be my lucky day - nuff said :) xxoo Smoochies!

  4. Excellent! I have been preaching a lot of this to my kids (in 7 and 4 year old language). You are responsible for yourself and if you want something, YOU make it happen. And don't be a whiner when something doesn't work! Figure out why and fix it! Thanks for the dose of morning brilliance!

  5. AMEN! If you have an opinion, OWN it. Have struggles, OWN them. Want things to change...CHANGE them! We are responsible for our own happiness. If you live your life waiting for the other shoe to drop, it most certainly will. I choose happiness. Life is too short for anything else. :) xo

  6. you know who likes old wives tales? Grandmama! and old wives. and we are not them. We know better. SUPER FUNNY my friend. Thank you for the laughs and clarification.

    1. Katy, I actually thought of you all the way through this post. It sounds like your attitude which is AH-MAY-ZING! I love both you gals!
      I say it all the time, most people that have it hard/bad probably made choices to get them there. Then it seems to snowball, each bad thing seems even worse....MAKE A CHANGE! If you don't change anything, then nothing changes! My brain does slip into it now and then, but I just remind myself of the things you said here. Thanks girls, yall make my days more fun! :)


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