Saturday

The Glue that Holds Everything Together...


I'm so sorry I haven't been around much.

My days of being a full-time SAHM are up.

I've finally gone back to work, albeit part-time, and it's shaken up my world quite a bit.  No more staying in pj's until 10 am, no more "I'll get to it, when I get to it.."  The jig is up.  I had to get my act together and get organized or I was going to drown in my own sea of disarray.

My dad used to tell me while growing up, "your mom is the glue that holds this family together."  And at the time, though I had an idea of what he was talking about, I never fully understood until I became an actual mother of three and wife to an incredibly hard working husband, much like my dad.

Being the glue comes with so much responsibility...so many hats...so much pressure.  My mom did it so graciously - and gracefully  for so many years, that she made it look too easy.  I mean how hard could it be to stay home with the kids, cook, clean, and put a meal on the table, right?  Pfft.

The problem with being everyone's everything, is that somewhere along the line, you lose yourself along the way if you aren't really careful. 

You're busy trying to not just survive, but thrive...not just feed your family, but feed your family well..not just grow, but flourish.  Sometimes, I joke about being an Underachiever -  but the truth is, it is so much effort to do more than just get by.  You know how they say 'there's no traffic on the extra mile?'  It's because we're all walking around so exhausted all of the time, that the things we do choose the extra effort for, leave us drained for something else.  We want to do more than the bare minimum, we want to do a little less than the neurotic OCD of perfection - we're stuck in the middle.  But is the middle enough?  The other thing I joke about is that ecard I made some time ago - I'll post it below.  It's like if I'm really successful in one area of my life, something else is lacking. 



Look on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, whatever social media you wish - and you'll constantly see messages of Simplicity, don't sweat the small stuff, remember what matters, stop and smell the roses.  I get it.  I want to do all of those things - but it has to be while I'm en-route to dropping off one of the kids at football, balancing the checkbook, picking up groceries, trying not to forget my grandmother's birthday card, reading the teacher's notes in the kids' bookbags, etc. etc. etc.  I want to remember that Friday is red day at pre-school, that Tuesday is the day I signed up for snacks, that every 3rd Wednesday is my non-profit volunteers meeting, and what day did I sign up to read to Middler's kindergarten class?  I know I wrote it on a piece of tiny scrap paper somewhere.  I want to believe in Simplicity.  I do.  It's not like I'm trying to reach the unreachable - I'm just looking for balance (I'd like to kick that word in the junk).  Everything in moderation...must find a balance...must make time for yourself...must read to your children...must take a walk with your spouse...must call your loved ones...must must must must must.  In the meantime, while you're trying to do all of these things, the phone is ringing with Voter Poll Surveys or Rachel from Credit Card Services scaring the hell out of you with news about your credit card that you DON'T have with their company.  While cooking dinner, you think you'll catch up on the evening news so you're not totally lost in what's going on in the world, and by doing that, you hear all of the horror stories out there, and your psyche takes a blow and knocks you down two notches.  God forbid you get depressed from the news, you'll get in a 3 day funk that is probably PMS related (or not) and can set you back days.  You don't have time for those kinds of setbacks or you'll be lost in a jungle of laundry, dishes, and clutter.  Positive affirmations - I am strong, I am confident, I am a workhorse.  I can do this. Kerplunk - exhausted and half asleep on the couch by 9:00 pm....but I haven't packed the kids' lunches yet...ZZZZZZZZZZZ asleep. (that is, until about 2 am when you are either jolted awake by something you forgot all about - or even worse, a child crying because they are sick..)

My gosh I'm rambling.  I barely recall the point of this blog. Maybe the point is that now that I am back to work I am realizing how much pressure we put on ourselves to keep it all together. When I didn't work, I had the luxury of being a little less organized because I could stay in my yoga pants and yesterday's makeup and hair and no one would be any wiser - but now that I actually have to put myself together for the workplace, I can't fake it anymore.  Regardless, though, whether you work or are a SAHM it is hard being the glue. And like glue, it gets very sticky and sometimes incredibly annoying.


Like Jo Dee Messina says in her song "I'm alright," the line I'm above the below and below the upper
I'm stuck in the middle where money gets tight...But I guess I'm doin' alright....
we're just kind of lingering in the Middle somewhere, and as long as everyone is healthy and happy - it'll have to do.

Will my family have meals from scratch every night? Probably not, but sometimes they will.  Will their clothes be perfectly ironed every day for school - no - but they will have clean clothes on their back, and when those don't fit, they'll go to someone who needs them.  Will my home be ready for an Architectural Digest shoot? No.  Will it ever be mistaken for a Pottery Barn advertisement? No.  But will my kids look back at this house as their 'home' with incredibly happy memories and a solid sense of security - yes they absolutely will.  Will we ever pay off this mortgage?  Maybe someday.  But for now, we can afford the payments, we can handle the taxes, and we can look out our windows and see the beauty of the place where the lakes meet the mountains, and the mountains kiss the sky, and the sky holds the clouds.  It's our little piece of heaven - and if I have to work - and get my ass out of bed an hour earlier a day to get it all done, then I will.  It may not get done perfectly, or with flying colors, but everyone's ok.  We will never be rich when it comes to wealth - but if love were measured in monetary form, we'd give Warren Buffet a run for his money.


Sometimes it'll have to do.  You think you're the only PTO/PTA mom that didn't bake for the bakesale?  What's that? Your child just told you at bedtime the night before that he signed you up for 2 dozen cookies?  That's why the grocery store opens at 6:00 am.   (wink, wink)  Thank you http://annetaintor.com/

I'm getting used to this new gig.  As with everything, it gets easier with time.  We're resilient creatures aren't we?  By taking the energy we could spend complaining or struggling over it and putting it into just doing it, we eventually figure it all out. Don't we? (please say yes..)

Thanks for being here..I'm getting my funny bone checked at the doctor and hopefully it will be back in order again soon.
~DG




15 comments:

  1. Hello my friend. I have missed you, but I know that you've lots going on. I wish I could have an easy answer for you, but I don't. The best I can say is, the Middle is OK. Sure you can strive for the Top some days, but a lot of the time the Middle is where a lot of moms (working and SAHM) and it's OK. Imagine if you work yourself so hard to stay at the Top that you burn out and then your family is at the Bottom? Hang in there!!

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    1. Thank you my friend..we're all in this together. xo

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  2. Oh girl, you're doing a great job! We are all out here together just trying to keep in between the buoys! (It's Jo Dee Messina BTW, though that's no biggie). It is OK to have bad, less than perfect days...we just come back and make tomorrow our bitch. :) (see blog from "sorry kid, your mom doesnt play well with others" named "today I failed, but...") I love reading stuff like this from all the glue moms...makes me feel a little more normal with all my efforts. We love you and think you're the best you! :) Devan

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    1. Devan - - and there you have it, rushed through and spelled her name wrong. Thank God for readers and the edit button. Love and hugs..a fellow glue mom. ;)

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  3. Loved this post! Because this post let me read everything that is in my mind, but is so jumbled I can't explain it right. Thanks for explaining it for me ;)

    Take time to smell the roses...........Kidding, just wanted to repeat one of the 'Positive Mantras' you talked about. Those are useful.............sometimes!
    Great Post. Funny Bone workin or not, I loved it.

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  4. So perfectly true! I remember when I first went back to work full time, I was absolutely bewildered how anyone could be the glue at 40 hours per week! Here's a little hint...let the housework slide first!

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    1. Oops,that should say when I went back part time!

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  5. So beautifully written! I'm a middle school teacher and a Mom of 4. In the digital age, teaching has become an "on-call" position, where I am no longer able to leave work at the door, and I find it incredibly difficult, some days, to manage a full-work week and a home with an 11, 8, 6 and 1 year old. But, I'm doing the best I can, and so far, no one has died. Like you said, Architectural Digest isn't heading my way for a photo shoot, and my kids won't be featured in a cute, fashion magazine, but they are fed, clean, and happy. As for me, I just keep trying to remind myself that in 17 years, my husband and I will have all the time in the world and we'll miss them like crazy, so I try to embrace it while I can.
    http://amysreallife.wordpress.com

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  6. It was when my husband called me the glue that I began having panic attacks. Way to much pressure. I cracked.

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  7. DG, if it rhymed it would be a pretty good song. When I saw SAHM, it took me a second glance, about twenty minutes later. I've been busy this morning, but I finally got a chance to finish my read, and put in an encouraging comment. Thanks for blogging for us, even though you've become Super Glue. Hugs!

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  8. DG, if it rhymed it would be a pretty good song. When I saw SAHM, it took me a second glance, about twenty minutes later. I've been busy this morning, but I finally got a chance to finish my read, and put in an encouraging comment. Thanks for blogging for us, even though you've become Super Glue. Hugs!

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  9. DG, if it rhymed it would be a pretty good song. When I saw SAHM, it took me a second glance, about twenty minutes later. I've been busy this morning, but I finally got a chance to finish my read, and put in an encouraging comment. Thanks for blogging for us, even though you've become Super Glue. Hugs!

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  10. DG, if it rhymed it would be a pretty good song. When I saw SAHM, it took me a second glance, about twenty minutes later. I've been busy this morning, but I finally got a chance to finish my read, and put in an encouraging comment. Thanks for blogging for us, even though you've become Super Glue. Hugs!

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  11. The problem with being everyone's everything, is that somewhere along the line, you lose yourself along the way if you aren't really careful.
    This statement reminds me of my 31st birthday. Li'l D was just a couple of weeks old and I couldn't manage to take myself outside most days, although Ba.D. "forced" me out the door to walk the dog and get some time away twice a day. (I relished that.) The day after, I got a card from my second mom with $50 and a note that I needed to use that for something fun for myself. I wished it had come a day earlier, but I was glad it came at all. It's what I think of when I start getting caught up in . . . everything.

    And that e-card? Oh, goodness, yes. A couple of months ago, I wrote about how I almost totally stopped cleaning for . . . oh, two years. I was glad how much else I was getting done, but it was hard to ignore how very much of a wreck the house was. Now I do more cleaning, but I still let that go first.

    I feel like I'm finding a better balance day by day, but I wish it could be "minute by minute." Still, we'll all get there, I think/hope/pray. ♥

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  12. I really appreciate your honesty in this post! And the ending is very inspiring, it is incredible to see how resilient we all really are!

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