My days of being a full-time SAHM are up.
I've finally gone back to work, albeit part-time, and it's shaken up my world quite a bit. No more staying in pj's until 10 am, no more "I'll get to it, when I get to it.." The jig is up. I had to get my act together and get organized or I was going to drown in my own sea of disarray.
My dad used to tell me while growing up, "your mom is the glue that holds this family together." And at the time, though I had an idea of what he was talking about, I never fully understood until I became an actual mother of three and wife to an incredibly hard working husband, much like my dad.
Being the glue comes with so much responsibility...so many hats...so much pressure. My mom did it so graciously - and gracefully for so many years, that she made it look too easy. I mean how hard could it be to stay home with the kids, cook, clean, and put a meal on the table, right? Pfft.
The problem with being everyone's everything, is that somewhere along the line, you lose yourself along the way if you aren't really careful.
You're busy trying to not just survive, but thrive...not just feed your family, but feed your family well..not just grow, but flourish. Sometimes, I joke about being an Underachiever - but the truth is, it is so much effort to do more than just get by. You know how they say 'there's no traffic on the extra mile?' It's because we're all walking around so exhausted all of the time, that the things we do choose the extra effort for, leave us drained for something else. We want to do more than the bare minimum, we want to do a little less than the neurotic OCD of perfection - we're stuck in the middle. But is the middle enough? The other thing I joke about is that ecard I made some time ago - I'll post it below. It's like if I'm really successful in one area of my life, something else is lacking.
My gosh I'm rambling. I barely recall the point of this blog. Maybe the point is that now that I am back to work I am realizing how much pressure we put on ourselves to keep it all together. When I didn't work, I had the luxury of being a little less organized because I could stay in my yoga pants and yesterday's makeup and hair and no one would be any wiser - but now that I actually have to put myself together for the workplace, I can't fake it anymore. Regardless, though, whether you work or are a SAHM it is hard being the glue. And like glue, it gets very sticky and sometimes incredibly annoying.
Like Jo Dee Messina says in her song "I'm alright," the line I'm above the below and below the upper
I'm stuck in the middle where money gets tight...But I guess I'm doin' alright....we're just kind of lingering in the Middle somewhere, and as long as everyone is healthy and happy - it'll have to do.
Will my family have meals from scratch every night? Probably not, but sometimes they will. Will their clothes be perfectly ironed every day for school - no - but they will have clean clothes on their back, and when those don't fit, they'll go to someone who needs them. Will my home be ready for an Architectural Digest shoot? No. Will it ever be mistaken for a Pottery Barn advertisement? No. But will my kids look back at this house as their 'home' with incredibly happy memories and a solid sense of security - yes they absolutely will. Will we ever pay off this mortgage? Maybe someday. But for now, we can afford the payments, we can handle the taxes, and we can look out our windows and see the beauty of the place where the lakes meet the mountains, and the mountains kiss the sky, and the sky holds the clouds. It's our little piece of heaven - and if I have to work - and get my ass out of bed an hour earlier a day to get it all done, then I will. It may not get done perfectly, or with flying colors, but everyone's ok. We will never be rich when it comes to wealth - but if love were measured in monetary form, we'd give Warren Buffet a run for his money.
|Sometimes it'll have to do. You think you're the only PTO/PTA mom that didn't bake for the bakesale? What's that? Your child just told you at bedtime the night before that he signed you up for 2 dozen cookies? That's why the grocery store opens at 6:00 am. (wink, wink) Thank you http://annetaintor.com/|
I'm getting used to this new gig. As with everything, it gets easier with time. We're resilient creatures aren't we? By taking the energy we could spend complaining or struggling over it and putting it into just doing it, we eventually figure it all out. Don't we? (please say yes..)
Thanks for being here..I'm getting my funny bone checked at the doctor and hopefully it will be back in order again soon.