Thursday

Brutally Blunt Bosom Buddies


The Urban Dictionary describes the meaning of Bosom Buddies as "True friends who know and understand one another, even despite occasional fits of hormonal rage."

 How that definition makes me laugh! It's so true though, think about your true friends who know you and love you no matter how moody you are or how indecisive or late or whatever flaw, their friendship is unconditional and  that is why you trust them with all of your heart and soul that they will be brutally honest with you if the time ever came that they needed to be!

This is a skill we develop over time, starting in preschool.

In preschool, honesty is just a fact of life. Most 3 and 4 year olds don't have the life experience to know how to be anything BUT matter-of-factly with each other. Here are some things a pre-school friend might tell you:

You took all of the red paint, and that's not fair. 
You are being a doody head.
I don't like you.

Pre-School Honesty:  Pure Poetry.


 Fast forward to grade school, things don't really improve as far as your schoolmates' honesty goes. You might hear some of these things from a 'friend':

The sandwich your mom packed you looks really gross. 
Your breath stinks like Sour Cream and Onion Chips.
 I didn't vote for you for Student Council.

Grade Schoolers don't sugarcoat.


 By Middle School, you've developed enough of a circle of friends that there is a gentler approach to honesty that you appreciate during these awkward years:

I hate to tell you this, but you have a huge zit at the end of your nose. 
You have lettuce in your braces.
XYZ, PDQ (X-amine your Zipper Pretty Darn Quick) a.k.a....YOUR FLY IS OPEN!

 As girls, we start to understand by our tweens that we need each other for survival. We have to rely on each other to tell the nitty gritty truth, even if we don't want to hear it. We are a type of wolf-pack that chooses a few loyal mates to get through each segment of our lives. By high school, you've got your best friends and you know they are going to tell you the truth no matter how awkward it is but you learn to temper the blow with solutions:

 Jimmy only asked you to Prom on a dare. So so so sorry. We'll steal his football cleats later and hang them from the telephone wire.
Your dance moves need a little work - come over my house after school and I'll help you before the dance this weekend. 
You're putting that liquid eyeliner on all wrong - I'll send you the YouTube link to a tutorial that will help you.

College is every girl for herself, but if you are fortunate, you've got some great roommates or sorority sisters or friends that will keep the communication lines open:

You kind of act like an asshole when you're drunk.
I think you should consider showering today.
That guy you like is a total douche bag.

When you are a grown up, you need really good friends to be there for you and alert you to avoid potential disasters (and they need you, too!).

Social Gatherings: Oh my gosh, quick, to the bathroom, you have a huge piece of spinach covering your entire front tooth and you look like your tooth is missing.
Your eyeliner is smearing down your face - I have a quick fix..get to the restroom! 
Your dress got caught in your undies in the bathroom - turn around and I'll pull it out for you.
You have a crazy, stray chin hair, but don't worry, I have tweezers in my purse! 

Shopping Outings: That is NOT the dress for you.
You are wearing the WRONG bra, let's go find the right one.
You walk like a newborn calf in those heels. They are too high. 

Friends don't let friends stumble around in heels...no matter how gorgeous the shoes are.



We've all been put in situations where, despite the sick feeling in our stomach, we have to tell our friend something that may seem awkward, but you know you have to do because it's the right thing to do. Thank goodness we can laugh about it, right!

I am happy to introduce to you the brilliantly funny anthology called “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth” and Other Things You’ll Only Hear from Your Friends In The Powder Room is officially on sale TODAY! The paperback version and the Kindle version are now available on Amazon. Other ebook formats and retailers (Barnes and Noble, Sony, Kobo, Diesel and Apple) will be coming through the pipeline very soon, and we’ll keep you posted as and when they are available.

A Book is Born!  Weighing 12 ounces, and measuring almost 9 inches long, this book is full of giggles and laughs that will not only fill you up with joy, but will give your abs a workout, too! Buy the book here!


 Here is just a little teaser on some of the contributors and their pieces! (Click Here for the full list of authors)
 Enjoy !!



Abby Heugel
www.abbyhasissues.com
Swinging Singles
Although my grandmother offered such sage dating advice as, "Spice things up. Your grandpa would come downstairs while I was doing the washing and
bend me over the washing machine," I still remain single and less-than willing to mingle. Being single has perks, and while I'll never aim to be a trophy wife, being a consolation prize wife just might work.

Tracy Winslow
http://www.momaical.com
The Gym: A Place Where Muscles and Gag Reflexes Go To Workout
On the tour of your new gym facility you are shown the pool, spa, sauna, workout and yoga rooms. What they fail to give you is a warning about the WOMEN who frequent the locker room. Some of the things you see there will shock, horrify, astound and amuse you. It's not for the weak of heart. Or stomach.

Leslie Marinelli
http://www.TheBeardedIris.com & http://www.InThePowderRoom.com
"Beauty and The Beast: Keeping Abreast of Sibling Rivalry"
Laughing in the face of all parenting experts, Leslie admits she has a favorite... a favorite breast. She can't help it; one is just much prettier and more well-behaved than the other one. #TrueStory #GimpyBoob

Meredith Spidel
http://www.themomoftheyear.net
"I Have a Dress Problem"
We've all got our closet shame, Meredith's comes in the form of cases of t-shirt dresses that she hides from her husband.  People don't divorced over stuff like this, right?  Right??

Andrea C.
http://www.underachievingdomesticgoddess.com
"Going Off the Deep End: A Tale of Swimsuits Gone Wrong"

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - and the stories of my bathing suits from summers’ past are no exception to the rule. If people have skeletons in their closet, mine are wearing swimwear - just hanging there as a reminder of the horrors I endured from poor choices, wrong sizes, and unsuitable designs for my body type.

Ellen Williams and Erin Dymowski
http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com
Is Forty Fabulous?
If forty is really so fabulous, then why do people keep spoon feeding us with the force of a front end loader the notion that “Forty is the New Thirty”? Stop making our accomplishments about maintaining the fountain of youth. We are comfortable in our Spanx encased skins and we want to be toasted with soy lattes for the wisdom we have gained and the goals we have achieved, not the size of our pores.


Rebecca Gallagher
http://www.frugalistablog.com
"Friends Let Friends Pee Their Pants"
We all know that childbirth can wreak havoc on our bladders. But even as a teenager, I had a week continence. It's bad enough peeing your pants, but peeing in a pair of your friend's pants- that's a whole different story!

Noa Gavin
http://ohnoa.com
"There Is No Ball Drying At The Dinner Table"
Most people have to set boundaries in a marriage: who does what chores, who wakes up with the baby, who walks the dog. I had to set some, too. Like where it is and is not appropriate to showcase your balls. Hint: not at eye level.

Amy Flory (Grotzke)
http://www.funnyisfamily.com
"The ABC Club"
Freshman year of college I bonded with two women who are still my closest friends. That bond was solidified over a mutual disdain for the nasty business of blow jobs. We even formed a club, The Anti-Blow Job Club (Club?), which our mothers were less proud of than we expected them to be.

Shari Simpson
http://www.dustyearthmother.com
"What Happens in Vegas"
Vegas. It's not just a city, it's a state of mind. For the past eight years, I've been meeting every Thursday morning with my two friends for a group we call "Vegas", as in "What happens in Vegas..."--yep, you know the rest. We meet for prayer, support, talk, love, gut-busting laughs... no gambling allowed.

Janie Emaus
http://www.janieemaus.com
"Confucius Say: When Shit Hits Fan, Girlfriends Bring Pooper Scooper"
Marriage is a give and take situation. But sometimes it's hard to take without your girlfriends. As Janie knows, when needed, they bring the tissue, a good bottle of vodka, and a penisless perspective to help through the rough times.

Keesha Beckford
http://www.momsnewstage.com
"Backflash"
Before J.Lo. Before BeyoncĂ©.  Before twerking.  When Bootylicious sounded like rump shaped bubble gum, there was a little girl with a bubble butt and a dream -- to dance.  Her passion would take her up and down the road of ass-shame. Only as a grown woman would she make true peace with the onion on her back.

Amy Wruble
http://www.carriagebeforemarriage.com/
"Second Husband Material"
What happens when you meet a potential Mr. Right at the wrong time?  According to Amy, you end up on the subway in a trench coat and heels, with your dignity in your purse. A cautionary tale from a mom blogger looking back on her wild days.

Tarja Parssinen
http://www.theflyingchalupa.com
"A Pipeline Runs Through It"
I used to be a zero-emissions kind of gal - the only one in my family.  And then I had kids and a natural gas pipeline was run straight through my ravaged body.  Global warming is real, my friends, and it's sleeping with my husband.  Which I'm pretty sure answers the question: "Can't we keep just a little mystery in our relationship?"

Janel Mills
http://www.649point133.com
"Happy Accidents"
Being knocked up on accident -- it's not just for teenagers on MTV anymore.  Sometimes it happens to grown-ass women in their thirties.  However, being unexpectedly pregnant doesn't have to be a reality-show nightmare.  You may find yourself surprised by more than just the plus sign on the stick.

Kim Bongiorno
www.LetMeStartBySayingBlog.com
"Then I Asked: What Should I Know About Having a Kid?"
Kim was expecting her first kid in a month, so asked a close friend whether the baby books she had read were telling her the whole truth. They were decidedly not. This is a no-holds-barred truth about what labor, delivery and those first weeks at home with your bundle of scream are really like.

Cheers, Love and Laughs,
~DG


7 comments:

  1. I can't tell you how excited I am to be in another book with you and your pretty face! (And not just because I'm out of the yummy smelling soap you gave me. Bring more to the next book signing.) STEEEELLA!

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  2. I'm totally humbled to be included with you fabulous ladies and can't wait to read the darn book!

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  3. This made me laugh so hard this morning! Congrats on the book too, can't wait to read it! Laura B.

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  4. This is excellent. Coming from a tough, destitute family of Mexican immigrants, your parents must really be proud of you for this.

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  5. Your post was the encapsulation of the vibe of the entire book. This post is brilliant as is your essay in the book! So honored to be sharing the same literary space as you. xoxo Ellen

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  6. I am notoriously the friend in the group that is brutally honest and will tell a sister when those pants make her ass look fat. (or if her ass makes her ass look fat, lol) But, as you know, I am wildly loyal. <3

    Of course, I already bought the book. :) (Through Bethany's site) >3 Devan

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