Tuesday

Adult Education Funnies...





As I looked through my mail over the weekend, I noticed the local community college sent a flyer with their Adult Education Summer class list and saw some fun courses like Hula Hoop Fun,  Fly Tying, Golf, Reiki, Mah Jongg,  Knitting & Quilting, Dog Obedience, Sign Language, Tai Chi,  and  Dance Party Exercise...and I couldn't help but think hmmm those are some interesting little classes now aren't they?  So I said to myself - if I could teach an Adult Education class - or better yet, if I could make some suggestions on Adult Education courses that should  be offered in this crazy world, what would they be?  So here's a fun look at some basic skill courses maybe some people should be required to take or get continuing education credits for.  And I'm curious - what class would you like to see offered in the Ideal World College?  Lol...enjoy...



Ideal World College of Basic Life Skills
Continuing Education Course Schedule
 
Basic Internet Etiquette 101 (also known as Scrolling for Dummies)
With an emphasis on resisting, refraining, and restraining, this course will walk you through basic ideas on how not to get in fights on the internet. Simple skills like scrolling with your mouse past things you disagree with and avoiding conflict will be the focus of this course. We will spend much of the time doing basic finger strengthening exercises to give your digits the strength they need to scroll fast through temptation. You’ll also learn how not to make vague statements that anger other internet users, and shy away from any type of internet bullying.

Don't know how to scroll past something you see on the Internet? This course is for you!  Sign up NOW!

Bathroom Cleanliness BC100:
This course introduces the student to the toilet paper roll holder, the location of stock of toilet paper, and the paper towels and Lysol wipes in case of missed deposits. Through selected class projects the student will learn fundamentals of setup and of operation of toilet paper holder as well as toxic waste clean up with an emphasis on safety and proper clean up. Upon satisfactory completion of the course the student will gain, at the discretion of the teacher, a certificate in Toilet Paper Changing and Bathroom Cleanliness. Some fun topics like which way to set the roll - over or under, as well as fun with toothpaste globules will be discussed.

 

Coping with PMS - for men: PMS2013
PMS can be a scary time of the month for everyone! Once you know and understand what suffering from PMS feels like and entails, you will be able to sympathize with her during that time of the month. In this course, you will experience severe cramping , headaches and/or backaches, we’ll show you how it feels to be bloated and nauseous. You’ll experience lightheadedness and a general intolerance for everyone and everything around you.  You will engage in dialogue scenarios and how to answer or comment properly so as not to anger or engage the person sufferering from PMS.  Basic survival and instincts will be taught and practiced.  Learning when to stay quiet, walk away, or tread lightly will be a strong focus of this course. Not for the faint of heart or health. 

Silence.  Shh.  Quiet.  Don't Speak.
Introduction to Household Appliances: HA104This course is a thorough introduction to several large household appliances and their uses in day to day life. Students of this course will be taught by using hands on applications such as preparing and loading the dishes into the dishwasher, pouring in dishwasher soap, and pressings the correct button for several different situations such as China and Stemware, High Temperature settings, Pots and Pans settings, etc. Several other machines such as washing machines, dryers, and vacuum cleaners will be explained, used, and fully explored during this course. Proficiency in emptying a Dyson bin or vacuum bag will be taught as well.  The final exam will involve one full day of housecleaning, using and demonstrating proficiency of least three household appliances.

We'll Teach You!

Intramural Laundry Basketball: LB100This fun course tackles the problematic issue of missing the laundry basket and clothes ending up on the floor just outside the bin. Special drills for aiming, technique and bending over/picking up missed attempts will be the focus. Have fun and get fit during this 3 -week course. Basic objectives will be learning the basic skills needed to get dirty clothes into the laundry basket.




Finding Your Inner GPS Locating System: GPS 101This is a helpful course to experience if you or someone you know has trouble locating things in general. We guarantee after taking this course, you will stop and think before asking someone where something of yours is. Throughout this course you will use objects in the classroom, put them away in a specific place, and then go find them in the place you put them at a later time. Basic as well as Critical thinking skills will be implemented to teach self-reliance and accountability for personal items. Have fun with this course! And always pay attention! The instructor has been known to take car keys and cell phones left on desks and hide them on students who don’t put them away when they get to class! Fun activities such as learning to look with both eyes open and scavenger hunts will be on the syllabus!

Never ask where something is again.  Ever.

Driving for Dummies: DFD200 This informative course will refresh your basic driving skills using the Jim Morrison Philosophy of Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel. You will be forced to understand the difficulty and danger of driving while drinking a scalding hot Latte, answering incoming texts, and changing the radio station while steering with you knee during a simulated driving course. You will also be required to parallel park while chewing gum, use a rotary, and deal with angry and or clueless drivers at a four- way stop. By the end of this very useful course, you will never use your cell phone while driving again, you will know when to wave in thanks to another courteous driver, and you will be fluent in the art of merging. The course goal is to teach people the art of just driving from point A to point B without distractions, road rage, verbal outbursts and temper flare-ups.

The Morrison School of Thought


So You Want to be a Runner: JOG 101 This brilliant, somewhat pain-free series of classes will do whatever it takes to help you learn to run using several proven methods such as  The Zombie Chase (one of our faculty dresses up as a zombie and chases students through the school hallways in the dark!), the Wine-at-the-finish-line school of thought, (each participant will have their choice of Red, White or Champagne upon finishing the run of the day), as well as several other very successful training courses using a variety of chocolates for positive reinforcement while counteracting negative attitudes toward running with shock and awe methods never before used outside of our classrooms.


Take JOG101 and find out how strong YOUR survival skills really are! 
Acting and Drama BS100:  This award winning class also known as Fake it Till You Make It, teaches the pretend-like-you-know-what-you're doing method of life.  Are you one to panic when you have too many things going?  Can't seem to get your kids' schedules right?  Have a hard time getting organized?  This class is for you.  We will teach you the fundamentals of procrastinating, how to just get by with the bare minimum while making it look like you exerted lots of effort into your projects, and how to be the envy of those around you with minimum exertion.  In this course you will learn how to smile through anything, how to make it appear that you  have it all together, and how to project success even when there's a hot mess going on.




Sign up now! Space is limited!

Cheers and Love,
~Professor DG


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

3 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA! Why do I feel like in addition to the PMS class, MOST of these courses are distinctly geared towards the male member of the species? Especially "Intro to Household Appliances." 'Nuff said. It really is amazing...

    I would have to add "Kitchen Cleaning 101" and "Food Preparation" to the list. I really and truly have met adults of both sexes who literally don't know how to boil water. As far as the kitchen cleaning, after 22 years of trying - and largely failing - to teach these skills by "setting the example" I would be thrilled beyond belief to give up my instructorship and have someone else to take over. I can just hear the "students" who live in MY house: "What? I have to wash the skillet and the pot, too? I have to put ALL the dishes in the dishwasher, not just the ones I feel like moving out of the sink? I can't just stack them/let them soak for five days? I have to wipe the surfaces after I spill coffee grounds? I have to clean the stovetop after I fry a hot dog? Those coffee drips on the white linoleum can't stay there forever?" and so on and on and on...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SHITTTT! I didn't know I hit PUBLISH on this one!! I thought I hit PREVIEW. OMG this wasn't even good enough to put out here - but thank you for commenting - and I love love your food prep and cleaning suggestion!!! You are awesome - thanks for the giggle! xo

      Delete
  2. One of your best blogs to date! I would sign everyone in this house up for at least one of those each.

    ReplyDelete

Support random acts of kindness and leave me a nice comment..it totally counts as a good deed.