Monday

Want the juicy gossip? Sit in on Kindergarten Circle Time.

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Every day I pick my boys up from school it's the same old thing.

First, I get any one of the following laundry list of complaints.

I wasn't the line leader again today and that's not fair.
We didn't have enough time at recess.
I didn't have enough time to eat my lunch.
My juice box was warm.
Jimmy was picking his nose again at my table.
Matthew was touching me at circle time.
It was too hot today.
It was too cold today.
The tag on my shirt was bothering me.
My butt itches.




Then I start my round of questioning.  Apparently, I am on a need-to-know basis and also I am limited to one to three word answers.

How was school?
Good.
Did you do anything fun today?
Not really.
Did you learn anything today?
I can't remember.
Who did you sit with at lunch?
Same people I always do.
Who did you play with at recess?
Same people.
Can you tell me one really great thing about school today?
I had recess.
Okay then how about 2 really good things.
I had recess and then I pooped.

And when we end up at pooping and farting, I end the line of questioning and just start preparing dinner with Ellen on in the background.

During dinner when we all finally get a half of an hour to be together to eat and have a chat about our day, that's when the juicy stuff comes out.  Not sure if they just need that 3 hour window to decompress or to marinate on the day's events or what, but the shock value stuff is saved for suppertime.

Johnny threw up  at the table next to me at lunch.

Ummm.  Nice.

On the playground, Sam ran off into the woods and peed on a tree.

Alrighty, then.

Sarah didn't lock the door in the class bathroom and I walked in on her peeing.

Oh Dear.

At recess today, we chased girls and played the kissing game but no one kissed anyone it was just pretend.

Oh hell no.

Noah coughed all day today and didn't cover his mouth once.

On second thought, I will have a glass of wine with dinner.

Today at circle time I told everyone that Mommy has two husbands.

*choking on my wine*  You what?

I told everyone you have two husbands because you got married twice right, Mama?

Umm...I did get married once before Dad but I got a divorce remember I told you about that?

You got a DIVORCE?  I thought you said you were married before and got a HORSE!

You didn't tell people I had a horse thought, right?

I did Mama, I told people you got married twice AND got a horse.

*Mental note:  call for parent teacher conference.  I've got some explaining to do.  Thank goodness these teachers have a really good sense of humor.  Until next time...



















Onward and upward,
xo  ~DG

6 comments:

  1. It makes me very nervous, because as a former teacher I know that kids are little parrots. I asked a little girl, on her birthday, if she was having a party. She said, with a full dramatic sigh, "it's not my mom's job to watch over twenty kids and make sure the entire second grade has a good time".

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    1. THAT is hysterical!! Who said THAT? lol..so funny! xo

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  2. You were married before and he kind of WAS a horse though, right? Glad I'm not the only one who has to practically resort to water torture to get my kid to tell me about her day.

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    1. I shudder to think about the things that I don't know they said!

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  3. The decompression thing is so true! When my stepdaughter comes home you get the update on if there's homework or not but that's about it - all fine or good to questions asked. Take Pupsy for a walk that night and she goes along and I hear what she learned at school that day/week and then I get to hear all of the gossip (i.e. who is dating who and who cried and who is being silly, etc.). I know more about her because of that half hour walk time than anyone else.

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    Replies
    1. Aww - I bet she loves those walks with you. <3

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