|Fear not FWP lady, help is on the way.|
Gag Gifts make me want to gag.
Crude Yankee Swaps make me crazy.
USED Yankee Swap Gifts are a nightmare of mine.
EWWW...I hate them.
I'm old-fashioned, I guess.
|Rarely, someone will bring a gift card because they were too lazy to find something - |
only success kid usually is lucky enough to get that gift.
I want spa gift cards, scarfs, perfume, makeup, purses, wine glasses, coffee mugs, easy peasy girly twirly types of gifts. I'm a no-brainer - so easy even a Caveman could buy me a gift.
|pic from geico.com|
Get me a gift card to pretty much anywhere. Hell, get me a card with a few sentences that are sweet and it's the best gift ever. I'll even take a handwritten note on construction paper - but please - no butt banks that fart when you deposit a coin for savings...no chia pets...no phallic symbol paper towel holders..and please lord no rubber chickens. Okay, I get it - it's supposed to be funny.
|I don't want a Duck Dynasty Chia Pet head - but in case you do, you can click here.|
I know, people, I know. Get a sense of humor. I have a sense of humor - but I'm traumatized from past years' parties and the gifts I've gotten at these parties. One year, I kid you not, I got 4 dirty, nasty placemats. Gross. It looked like either Tomato Soup was spilled on them or someone used them to clean up a murder scene. I almost vomited when I opened it up - was it funny? No. Was it clever? Hells no. Was it a gag gift? If you're asking me if I gagged, then yes. Yes, I did.
|That awkward moment when you open the swap gift and no one laughs. That's bad. Really bad.|
|Wine Flask Bra, click here if you really need one.|
1. The Wine Flask Bra: "Have you ever been somewhere where you've been denied a beer, cocktail, glass of wine, or bottle of scotch? It's not fair and can ruin your evening! Don't take "NO" for an answer anymore. Take matters into your own hands with the Wine Rack Flask Bra. You can fill the pouch Flask with the Liquid of your choice, place it in the black, sports Bra and you're set. The handy Straw can exit from either side of the Bra and reach around your clothing for easy access. You'll be sippin' easy with this Wine Rack Bra Flask and the only think you'll compromise is how every dress fits just a little tighter. The Bra is stretchable yet very secure. If you love the full look with the Bra on but run out of liquid, simply blow into the tube and you'll have the look once again. This Flask holds up to 25oz of liquid, which is basically a bottle of Wine and increases your bust up to 2 sizes."
|Nothing says Yankee Swap like a stuffed blue testicle. Available at http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/reproductive-plush-organs Ovary and Testicle have been discontinued. When they sell out, they will no longer be available. Wow. HOT items! lol!|
2. Reproductive Plush Organs: "It takes a lot of guts to share the more private parts of your story. But whether you're getting prepared to give your teen "the talk," you know a friend going in for a tough surgery, or you'd like to congratulate a recently graduated med-student without blushing, you don't need to be bashful about bringing up difficult topics when you can lean on these plush reproductive organs. Created by anatomically-obsessed illustrator Wendy Bryan, this charming line of stuffed innards make great substitutions for get-well cards, and are the perfect pals for doctors and surgeons to prop in their offices or waiting rooms to help ease the tension for patients of all ages. In your home, each personality-packed organ makes touchy subjects less scary and can bring a little humor to the ever-awkward "birds and the bees" chat. No matter how you decide use them, these squishy anatomical specimens will leave you in stitches."
3. Crotch Gear: When you have a need - a need to find the most hilariously inappropriate boxers and/or sweatpants for the guy in your life. Humor below the belt at its finest. Have a guy who lives and breathes Twitter? Why not give him the hashtag boxers so he feels like his holiday package is trending? Now that's a gag gift that would keep the party laughing!
(side note: although my hubby isn't big on Twitter or wearing clothes that point to his junkular region, these guys that created crotch gear are some pretty good guys, I highly suggest if you are looking for inappropriate sweats or boxers, you check them out. Apparently, they have rave reviews on the softness of their sweatpants - who knew inappropriate could be so comfy?!)
4. A Mohair Sweater: Ok you guys, I'm really really struggling with this one because I don't get it. I do NOT get these sweaters at all. So, I'm going to very lightly address/poke gentle fun at these sweaters with one question - WHO IS WEARING THESE AND WHERE AND WHYYY!? These sweaters go way over the $50 budget because they are handmade from mohair and are selling on ebay light hotcakes. What am I missing? Call me fashionably conservative but I just don't think I can understand this trend so I'll sit it out. I can, however, imagine being at a Yankee Swap and someone pulling this out of a bag and the whole room dying in laughter. You tell me, what do you think about these?? I cannot imagine the talent it takes to make these, so I'm giving them credit where credit is due - but I REALLY can't imagine who/where/how you wear these.
|Click here to order this.|
|I'm concerned that she's having an allergic reaction to mohair? Her lips look swollen and so does her chest.|
5. Batman/Harry Potter/Character Snuggie: "Made of soft, thick, luxurious fleece with oversized loose fitting sleeves, the Youth Comfy Throw with Sleeves by The Northwest Company lets shoulders, arms and upper body remain protected from the cold while leaving arms and hands free to use a laptop, TV remote, read a book, talk on the phone; or enjoy a snack." For the man who wants to be a superhero from the comfort of his own couch - or the woman who wants to cast her spells in the most comfy way.
|Batman Snuggie on Amazon.|
|Harry Potter His/Hers Snuggie|
6. Funny Books: Okay - I either contributed to these or know the authors of all of these - so I personally think they'd be a big hit at a Yankee Swap party.
|I Just Want to Pee Alone!|
|Baby Sideburns' Book!|
|I made this from one of my own ecards on cafepress.com! So fun.|
|For the blogger in your life...again, cafepress.com|
|How about for the movie quote guru of the party...a Glengarry Glen Ross to go coffee mug?|
8. Scarves....Baby, It's Cold Outside. Let's see what we can find for funny, ridiculous scarves...
|There's the bikini scarf at stupid.com|
|The Stop-Telling-Me-to-Keep-Calm Scarf is pretty damn funny.|
9. Hats: Can't forget funny winter hats....
|Pretty awesome - my kids wouldn't mind being on the receiving end of this white elephant gift!|
A few left on amazon.
|For the Lord of the Rings Gandalf/Ski/ZZtop fan - this ski hat is so versatile! lol!!!|
10. Funny Notepads: When you don't have that much to spend on a gag gift...
|Oatmeal Studios Sticky Notes|
|Any Anne Taintor notepad will be a hit...|
That's all I've got for now my friends. If you are going to a Yankee Swap/White Elephant/Whatever they call it these days, Godspeed.
If you have a moment, be sure to leave me your best/worst gifts you've given/received at your Yankee Swap parties!
Cheers, love and gag-free gag gifts to you,