Independence Day

What do you need freedom from today? Drama? Heartache? Anger? A Toxic Friendship?

I've been talking a lot lately about my 40's.  Mostly, I've touched on the effort it takes to look nice, to stay young looking, and embrace 40 gracefully.

There's another aspect of being 41, and today, as we celebrate Independence Day, it's a good time to talk about freedom - a different kind of freedom.

I've been through some tough things in my life.  I've weathered storms that even I am not ready to talk about.  Things happen to us in our lifetime - divorce, loss, heartache, friendships lost, misunderstandings.  We navigate our way through one crisis at a time, and with every road that we successfully make it down, the rough patches seem to get a little easier to get through.  My divorce seemed like it would be the toughest thing to process, but during that time, I found a strength within that I really didn't know existed.  I came out stronger, smarter, and had more clarity than I had in years.  Over the past decade, I've faced every joy head on, and used those wins to help me ease through the losses.  I've had situations where what I really wanted to do was scream profanities from the rooftop and cut people off at the knees, but I learned something so valuable through my past mistakes that would be the sure fix every time.  Love. When all else fails, choose love.

When people hurt us, whether intentional or unintentional - something small or something big - our knee-jerk reaction is to be angry.  I'll show them who they're messing with!  I have found a better map to use when navigating through the murky life waters and that is inked in with love love love.  This is the freedom I'm talking about.  Freedom to release yourself from things being personal - it's not about you.  99 times out of 100 it is NOT about you.  Repeat to yourself next time someone hurts you - it's not about me.  Unless you are this horrible person who creates drama everywhere you go and causes damage in your warpath (if it is because of that - you've got to stop) - it probably is not about you.  Give yourself the freedom to find peace in what people do to you.  Walk away.  Let it go.  Say to yourself that you are fine just the way you are.  You are a good person, a good friend, a good daughter or sister.  It doesn't matter how many square feet your home has, what kind of car you drive, how many pairs of shoes you have.  No one cares - and if they do, they aren't the kind of friend you need anyway.  What matters is that you show up to life.  That you are you. That you give someone the benefit of the doubt and smile at them.  Change the vibe you give off - I know it's so much easier to be pissed at someone, but if you put just a little more effort in, and rearrange it in your head - it's not about me - you'll find the freedom of the burden of drama in your life by using love as your shield.

But I deserve an apology.
You do.  But let it go.
But she/he almost ruined me.
But the world is still spinning, and your heart is still beating.
But it wasn't my fault.
It doesn't matter anymore.
But I lost so much time over him/her.
That's why you shouldn't lose any more time over it.

We all have things we've been carrying around for years, months, days, hours, minutes.  The only thing those things do is weigh us down.  Some of us might use them as crutches, as excuses, as reasons why we are who we are, or why we will never be who we want to be.  We've got to let them go.  Be free of those burdens, find a way to start anew without them.  I'm not saying forget - I think there is no way to forget things that have happened in our past, but I strongly believe there is a beautiful life waiting beyond the conflict.

We all have relationships that are waiting to be healed.  In our families, with friends, maybe neighbors - we have conversations waiting in the wings, longing to be freed from lingering over us and weighing us down. Often times challenging things happen in our lives and we are forced to take a long hard look at what is happening and what we need to do to find our peace.  Do you have a relationship that you need to heal?  Swallowing your pride for your own peace of mind isn't as hard as you might think.  Sometimes you have to do what is best for your own healing and if that means extending an olive branch to someone who hurt you, then do it.  Make today your Independence Day. Heal. Love. Laugh. Live. What will really make all the difference in your life is by doing first what you expected someone else should do.
How much are we willing to pay for things that have been done to us? At what point do you decide to stop paying for emotional invoices that should go to someone else?  Only we can answer that.   Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.  It's a gift that will keep giving all the days of your life, too.  It makes room to enjoy your life without clouding it up with negativity. Whatever has been done to you might never go away, but it can lessen it's grip around your heart and not play a lead role in your daily routine, allowing you to enjoy the simple pleasures again. You can always forgive a person without actually excusing what they did or said.

This message is inspired by  real life events.  I was deeply hurt by someone I care about - but I know it is not about me at the end of the day.  I did what I had to do for my own healing, and my own peace - and I did it with love.  I am not going to say it was easy - but it wasn't nearly as hard as you'd think.  I don't need all of the drama, hoopla and fireworks in my life.  Life is too precious.  If someone wants you in it, then embrace them and be there for them and it will be enough for them for you to just be you.  If someone doesn't want you in your life - it's okay.  Be at peace, give yourself the gift of the freedom to move on.

Cheers & Happy Independence Day - today - and any day you need it.


  1. Replies
    1. I see too on your blog list >>> that I haven't posted in TEN YEARS!!?? LOL. Talk about a slacker blogger! Ha Ha.

  2. Like I say you can always continue to bang your head against that wall over and over again, or you can walk away and get rid of that pain once and for all., try as hard as you might and let it go , whatever happened is done and you cant change it.Sadly, it took a death to make others in my family put things aside and come back together after . To which as being the oldest female of my siblings gave me the perfect opportunity to Give them all the same advice at once in the same place. Never go to bed angry at anyone , pick your fights carefully not so you can be the winner, so the problem can get resolved .Always tell who ever whats on your mind when its on your mind and remember to throw the words I love you at everyone while you have your chance as you or them may not make it to tomorrow .there are no guarantees!! the hardest thing sometimes is to walk away , but as you go there melts the stress and the anger fades and you begin to see things in a different way and then you can apologize if it was you. But always say I love you no matter what .No matter they started the fight < No matter they hurt you , No matter they are wrong , No matter be cause all of those reasons don't matter . what matter's is getting over or through it all and back to living you life with them in it.. It was my nephew who died two years ago to an overdose. Before this happened his mom and him had been doing nothing but battling each other. So my sister was left in a world of hurt and guilt . She was trying to reach him, he was acting out his anger to her , this dance was all about yelling at each other ,it was all about pain and none of it was about what mattered the most , what might have gotten him to look past his anger and come home and get help with a pill addiction and it wasn't even a pill that killed him he went for heroin cause some druggie told him it would kill he pain , it only took one needle for him to loose his life. It has taken two years for my sister too learn how to be happy , to rid herself of her guilt, learn how to breathe and go on with her life,keeping him in a place in her heart in which she has only Love now as the anger has passed. . It's time to learn to let it go ...

    1. Oh Paula...big love and hugs to you my friend. Thank you for sharing. xo


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